Blog

Coercive Behaviour

Those of us with lived experience of toxic environments and oppressive relationships, recognise the familiar territory of coercive, manipulative behaviours which I've written about a lot over the years in my blog posts and abuse prevention workshops. 'Narcissist', has become something of a buzz…


Wooden gavel on table in courtroom

"If you pin me to my past, you forbid me a future, Judgements are built to last, Let my conscious be my tutor".... Above is the first line of a poem written by me aged 14 entitled Judgement. By the tender age of 14, I had already developed an incredibly low opinion of myself which I believed the…

Manipulation

The 3 C's of Manipulation Control People who manipulate and abuse others, begin by taking control of the situation. Keen observers, they seek vulnerability in others, instinctively knowing who to target and how. They will use their knowledge, skills, charm, charisma, gaslighting and powers of…


Gaslighting is a form of psychological and emotional abuse that causes victims to doubt and question their own judgement, reality, self-perception and sometimes their sanity. Gas-lighters twist and distort the truth in order to manipulate, confuse and control their victims. The term originates…

A Positive Start

A Positive Start Saturday morning, its 6am and the sun is streaming through the crack in the curtains.  With a hot cup of black coffee in hand, I sit down at my computer in my home-office (aka spare bedroom),  as is my usual routine. I'm fully intent on mapping out my explanations of why the…


S.T.A.N.D© is an acronym for Stop, Think, Act, Never Doubt –   A trauma informed response to be applied in situations when an individual may be triggered by the behaviours of others.   Developed in 2014 for Adverse Childhood Experience’s trauma support, S.T.A.N.D© continues to be an…

The Lived Experience of Non-Fatal Strangulation - Part 1. The Experience

Christmas Day 1994 is etched into my memory for all the wrong reasons. I'd been living with Domestic Violence since 1990 and sadly, due to the hypervigilance; a side effect of constantly living in fear, I instinctively knew today was going to be a bad day for me by the sound of the footsteps on the…


Lifting The Mask of Persona

(Image: Real is Rare by Brett Jordan Courtesy of Unsplash) Narcissistic Traits Increasingly, the term; 'Parental Narcissistic Traits' is being used to describe the childhood experience of a generation of adults brought-up in a strict and controlling, often toxic, sometimes religious environment.…


Religion and Spirituality

Religion and Spirituality Just the mention of the word 'God', has been enough in years gone by, to make me want to turn away, to switch off and roll my eyes knowingly. The words "oh, here we go - more preaching" echoing in my mind. From as far back as I can remember, I have been aware of God. God…


Know Thy Self

The Beliefs We Hold The beliefs that we hold about ourselves shape our choices and our lives. If I believe I cannot do a thing or be a thing, the chances are, unless I am willing to challenge the belief I hold about myself, my assumption is likely to be correct - and I cannot do it or be it,…