Lived Experience Blog
For All the Wrong Reasons: Why Lived Experience Matters in Family Court
People don’t enter relationships with someone they know to be violent. That assumption – “Well, you chose him” – is ludicrous and cruel. It’s victim-blaming disguised as wisdom. The truth is, perpetrators of violence and abuse don’t reveal their true selves at the start. What you meet is charm,…
The Dorsal Space: Where Suffering Lives – And Where We Can Begin Again
I’m not a neuroscientist. I don’t claim to have all the answers. But I know the dorsal space. I’ve lived there. I walk with others through it. And I believe it’s where the deepest suffering lives—quiet, hidden, and often misunderstood. There’s a space inside the…
Through Different Eyes: How Our Nervous System Shapes Our Reality
What seems like an overreaction might be a nervous system doing its best to protect! Same Room, Different Worlds Two people. One moment. Entirely different experiences. Have you ever been confused by how differently someone reacts to the same situation you just lived through? One person shrugs it…
Trauma-Informed Isn’t a Buzzword — It’s a Way of Being
“Trauma-informed” is everywhere these days — in policies, training packs, and job descriptions. But too often, what’s being sold as trauma-informed is little more than a performance: polished language, token gestures, and box-ticking exercises that fail to go beneath the surface. Let’s be clear.…
His Eyes Went Black!
Why survivors remember the eyes—and why it’s never just imagination There’s a moment I’ll never forget. I’d seen flashes of it before, but this time it was different - clearer. This time, it came with an eerie silence, a stillness that thickened the air around us. An abusive ex-partner —initially…
Nurture is the difference
Nurture Makes the Difference: What I’ve Learned About Home, Safety, and Connection I’ve always been able to feel the difference between a home that’s warm, welcoming and safe… and one that isn’t. Some homes feel like a deep exhale. Like you can take your shoes off, unclench your jaw, and finally…
Masters of Illusion
Narcissists are masters of illusion. They construct a carefully curated #persona designed “to be seen to be one thing” — often charming, capable, or altruistic — while their real intentions are rooted in #manipulation, control, or self-preservation. The danger lies in the #incongruence: what they…
Toxic Duality
‘Toxic duality’ - the harmful contradiction between the persona someone presents to your face (warm, supportive, complimentary) and the truth of their behaviour behind your back (critical, undermining, deceitful or dismissive). This isn’t just about being two-faced—it’s about the emotional harm…
The Measure of Me
From the moment we are born, the measuring begins. How quickly we walk. How early we talk. How much we weigh. How well we behave. There’s always a chart, a milestone, a checklist — a standard someone else has set. We are prodded, praised, or pushed based on how we match up. “On track,” they say.…
The Cost of Care: Reflections on Holding a Community Space
There’s a kind of support that doesn’t always look like “help” — not at first glance. It happens in a small room, a circle of chairs, a soft conversation. It’s a steady presence, a grounding exercise, a moment where someone breathes a little easier. No fanfare. No waiting lists. No clinical forms.…