Lived Experience Blog
Shame Disguised as Motivation
Let’s Talk About Shame Disguised as Motivation Something’s been showing up repeatedly in my feed — and it needs to be addressed. Images of disabled people being used as inspirational tools to shame others: “If I can work with no hands, so can you.” “If you can scroll on social media, you can……
The Other Side of the Desk: The Dehumanising Reality of the Benefits System
When people think about "the benefits system," there’s often a polarised narrative. Some imagine it as a safety net abused by people who don’t want to work, who live off the state in comfort. Others, like me, know the truth firsthand — and it’s not just a different reality, it’s a soul-destroying…
TRUST & RAPPORT
At A Positive Start CIC, we believe that healing doesn’t begin with theory. It begins with safety. And safety begins with TRUST—a trauma-informed framework rooted in lived experience, nervous system science, and human compassion. For those living with complex trauma, especially from early…
Why People-Pleasing isn’t Always Politeness
Most people don't wake up deciding to abandon themselves. They learn to do it over time-because it was safer to appease than to upset, easier to please than to risk rejection. This is called the fawn response. And it's not about kindness. It's about survival. The fawn response is a trauma-informed…
Abandonment: More Than Being Left Behind
There are some wounds we carry that don’t leave visible scars. Abandonment is one of them. It’s not always marked by a door slamming shut or someone walking away. Sometimes, it’s the quiet absence in a room full of people. The unanswered cry. The parent who was there in body, but unreachable in…
See the Human
Thirty years ago, I was a statistic. A survivor of domestic violence. A mother judged as too damaged to recover. A woman professionals expected would fail—and whose children were predicted to follow suit. They were wrong. Today, my children are thriving adults: graduates, home-owners, parents,…
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Real Safety - The Foundation of Healing “Feeling safe is the treatment, creating safety is the work.” – Dr. Stephen Porges We often hear the word safety in trauma-informed spaces. But what does it really mean to feel safe? And how do we know when it’s present—not just talked about or implied, but…
For All the Wrong Reasons: Why Lived Experience Matters in Family Court
People don’t enter relationships with someone they know to be violent. That assumption – “Well, you chose him” – is ludicrous and cruel. It’s victim-blaming disguised as wisdom. The truth is, perpetrators of violence and abuse don’t reveal their true selves at the start. What you meet is charm,…
The Dorsal Space: Where Suffering Lives – And Where We Can Begin Again
I’m not a neuroscientist. I don’t claim to have all the answers. But I know the dorsal space. I’ve lived there. I walk with others through it. And I believe it’s where the deepest suffering lives—quiet, hidden, and often misunderstood. There’s a space inside the…
Through Different Eyes: How Our Nervous System Shapes Our Reality
What seems like an overreaction might be a nervous system doing its best to protect! Same Room, Different Worlds Two people. One moment. Entirely different experiences. Have you ever been confused by how differently someone reacts to the same situation you just lived through? One person shrugs it…