Real Safety – The Foundation of Healing
“Feeling safe is the treatment, creating safety is the work.” – Dr. Stephen Porges
We often hear the word safety in trauma-informed spaces. But what does it really mean to feel safe? And how do we know when it’s present—not just talked about or implied, but truly felt in our bodies, our relationships, and our nervous systems?
Safety is more than a protocol or a professional tone. It’s more than a laminated policy or a clinical smile. Real safety is embodied. It’s felt.
What Safety Is –
Safety is kind.
Safety is compassionate.
Safety is understanding, not performative.
Safety sees you, hears you, and honours what’s happening for you, not just to you.
It’s not something done to a person—it’s something shared with them.
Real safety is person-centred and trauma-informed. It offers power with, not power over. There is no ego in true safety. No hierarchy. No pretending. It’s authentic. It’s relational.
What Safety Is Not
Safety is not critical.
Safety is not harsh.
It does not shame, label, or undermine.
It does not view people as ‘disordered’ or broken.
It doesn’t see behaviour as a problem, but as communication.
Safety never seeks to dominate. It doesn’t come with a mask of professionalism that hides the truth. It doesn’t speak without listening, or diagnose without first understanding.
Embodied Safety & Neuroception
The nervous system is always asking: Am I safe?
This process happens beneath conscious thought. It’s called neuroception—the body’s way of detecting safety or danger without needing permission from the thinking brain. And it’s shaped by experience, trauma, culture, and relational patterns.
You might say all the right things, but if your nervous system is signalling fear, threat, or superiority—people will feel it. That’s why embodied safety matters more than spoken safety.
Embodied safety is felt in presence. In pace. In tone. In facial expression. In regulation.
Anchoring – How We Hold the Space
An anchor provides stability in a storm. In trauma recovery, we become anchors by being grounded ourselves. That’s why co-regulation is the first step—because two dysregulated people equal more dysregulation.
As practitioners, parents, or peer supporters, we must first ask:
Am I regulated? How do I know?
If we’re anxious, rushed, or emotionally reactive, it will be felt. No matter how well we hide it.
There is no safety in dysregulation. No matter the training, titles, or tools we carry.
Trauma Informed TRUST Our Framework for Safety
Healing requires TRuST:
- Trigger Recognition – Understanding what activates distress
- Reassurance – Calming the nervous system with presence and care
- Understanding – Listening with curiosity, not assumption
- Safety – Being reliably kind, consistent, and grounded
- Truth – Because without truth, there is no trust—and without trust, there is no safety
Truth doesn’t mean brutal honesty. It means kind truth, delivered with compassion and timing. It means not hiding behind language or roles. People need to know what’s real, not just what’s rehearsed.
The Person-Centred CUE
To guide this work, we return to the person-centred core conditions: CUE
- Congruence – Be genuine. Speak your truth with kindness. No masks.
- Unconditional Positive Regard – See the person, not the problem. Let them feel felt.
- Empathetic Understanding – Step into their world. Feel with, not for.
These are not just therapeutic ideals. They are safety signals.
For Practitioners – A Gentle Challenge
Before you ask someone to trust you, ask yourself:
- Am I regulated enough to offer safety?
- Can I sit with another’s pain without needing to fix or label it?
- Is my truth gentle and clean, not laced with judgment or superiority?
Safety isn’t created by accident. It’s cultivated by intention. And it begins within.
Real Safety Is a Felt Sense
Not a checklist. Not a branding. Not a buzzword.
Let’s stop mimicking safety and start embodying it. The nervous system can tell the difference. So can the heart.