When we talk about toxic relationships, it is important to understand that it isn’t always necessarily the persons involved that are toxic. Quite often it can be the situation itself that becomes toxic because the characters of the people involved clash to a point of making the relationship a troublesome one. Once we understand this, it makes it easier for us to identify the problem without having to point blame from one to another and actually see that by withdrawing from the situation, no matter how difficult it may be, will in return better the situation naturally. For example, a couple who are constantly arguing and can’t seem to settle their differences decide to split up. Given time for the initial hurt to pass, the same two people get to a point where they become good friends and can work through differences without the shouting and name calling. So it wasn’t that the two are personally toxic, but more that the relationship itself wasn’t right for them and the clash of personalities made it difficult to be able to work together as a couple.
On the other hand, there are unfortunately so many people who are living with unresolved traumas from their own childhood that refuse to acknowledge that their behaviours can also become toxic to others. Instead of realising their own accountability, they will constantly blame others and twist words and situations to make others look bad to protect the image they have of themselves in their mind. This alone is a toxic trait as it leads to traits of narcissism where they manipulate and control people and situations to their own advantage. This then becomes a toxic environment to be in until the unhealed person takes responsibility for their behaviour after acknowledging that they in fact are the ones with the issues that need resolved. Sadly, not enough people are willing or able to face their own inner self to begin their healing as they cant or wont admit that the behaviours they display hurt and damage the ones closest to them and this is where people actually do become toxic.
Each and every one of us have our own unique characters, shaped and formed through the life we have lived and even going back through ancestral traumas that have been passed down genetically. We are all very different and therefore are not going to connect fully with every relationship we have. There doesn’t have to be anyone to blame, it just didn’t work out and no matter how long you stick around hoping things will get better, they never will and therefore we fall into the familiar comfort rather than actually working together and connecting on a soul to soul level.
Confusing love with lust is what leads most of us into a toxic relationship. We are so in love with the idea of being in love, especially if we have been neglected in our childhood that we are blinded to hidden motives and abusive behaviours. Ignoring red flags and bending over backwards to please people.
We have all been toxic to someone at some point but that doesn’t define who we are. Once we heal from our pain and can openly admit our wrongdoings, you are no longer that same toxic person.