Don’t ever stop, standing up for yourself! Being a confrontational person is not a bad thing. In fact, in a world where our rights, our opinions and our way of life are constantly under scrutiny by those around us, it is a gift to be able to stand up and say your piece without worrying about the backlash. If you are confident in what you are saying, you are confident enough to engage in a healthy debate which maturely results in both parties concluding to either agree to disagree or come to an understanding about where each other is coming from. We call this “effective communication”, a skill that sadly, seems to be phasing out in today’s society – Unless we have a screen to hide behind, we cant seem to communicate so well.
So much is misinterpreted simply because the need to be right, out-weighs the need to understand and because of this, even the simplest of situations can be twisted and manipulated and be so blown out of proportion, it leaves us feeling utterly bewildered. We call this “wilful communication” – having or showing a stubborn and determined intention to do what one wants, regardless of the consequences.
When we confront someone, what we are doing is making that person aware that their words or behaviour in some way has caused hurt or upset and it is our right to stand up and speak out about it. In a recent incident with myself – where i was in the wrong – i had made a comment on something that did upset someone. The person messaged me to state their feelings and explain how it was from their point of view and she was right. I was thoughtless in my comment and without even trying to justify anything, i simply apologised, agreed that i was in the wrong and would know better in future. The issue was then resolved without any further damage being done.
Iv used my own wrong doing as the example here simply to show that even as i’m sat here today, a whole world away from where i used to be, i still make mistakes….because i’m still human! The difference is in how we respond to these confrontations. Only when we are able to stand accountable for our actions can we have the maturity to admit we are wrong without having to personally attack the person confronting us.
Confrontation is often mistaken as aggression. Especially from those who are purposely trying to trigger/gaslight or manipulate us into a reaction, so they can say we are the crazy ones and deny any responsibility on their part. These people aren’t worth confronting and it doesn’t take long in their company to realise this person has no interest in other perspectives or even trying to understand where others are coming from. The very people who will play victim and tell their family and friends how you have been so mean to them when the truth of the matter is, they have caused the problems themselves with their own words and actions to begin with but god forbid they are confronted and have to stand accountable…..this is where they twist confrontation and call it aggression. This is also where you separate the decent from the deceptive!
Through our own healing and self awareness, we come to a point where we know what is and what isn’t worth confronting any more. We know the people who deliberately want to cause us harm in some way and by giving them the satisfaction of that confrontation, we give them the power to play victim again. When we step back and realise that the people who want to see us fail – and they are out there…The Smiling Assassins , as we call them – are the ones who have the most misinformation to gossip to others with about us in an attempt to try pull us down again. We realise then that they are not people who deserve the time of day from us so let them gossip. Not every action needs a reaction. The universe is watching them ones and will one way or another serve them their own karma in due course.
Embrace your confrontational side though. Its only offensive to those who are trying to manipulate you in some way. To the rest of us…its a strong character trait that will take you places when used respectably.
Pick your battles wisely….if they’re not your monkeys, stay out of the circus!
By Sharon Paxton