“Make sure you don’t start seeing yourself through the eyes of those who do not value you! Know your worth, even if they don’t”! (Thema Davis)

The most important lesson that I have learned on this journey we call life, was in realizing the identity of the person who has caused me the most pain.

Year after year, the very person who should have protected, supported and loved me the most,  has instead doubted, criticized, beat and abandoned me more often than I care to mention.

The realization of just how much damage this individual has caused me, knocked me for six!

I’d spent many hours apportioning blame, before the truth of the matter finally revealed itself to me, and to that person I must now say this:

“I am so very sorry, please forgive me, I love you and I will never let you down ever again”!

That person was me!

It only took for another to question my appearance; “You’re not thinking of going out in that are you”? ” What have you done to your hair/teeth/face/ etc” and I doubted myself. I checked myself. I scalded myself!

It only took for another to question my beliefs; “You don’t believe that do you?” or “You are so easily led”, and I doubted myself, I wished I’d kept quiet. I learned to be voiceless!

It only took for another to question my opinions, “Seriously? is that what you think”? “Who cares what you think” or “Your opinion counts for nothing”, and I doubted myself, I criticized myself, I betrayed myself!

It only took for another to question my truths; “You read too much into stuff!” or “It wasn’t meant like that, you’re over-sensitive”! and I doubted myself, I questioned myself, I over-rid myself!

It only took for another to question my ability: “How hard can it be?“You’re supposed to be clever” or “Have you always been an idiot”? and I doubted myselfI beat myself for trying, I learned to give up!

It only took for another to question my integrity: “Why have you done that?”,  “I bet this was you” and I doubted myself, I devalued myself! I hated myself!

It only took for another to question my judgement; “that’ll teach you” or “you should know better” and I doubted myself, I blamed myself, I abandoned myself.

It only took for another to question any single part of my being, and with all the enthusiasm of a playground bully, I’d find reason to agree,  abandon my corner and support the other team. Often harsh, cruel, and unforgiving, I’d automatically wade in. Harder on myself than any bully could hope to be. Relentlessly beating myself up for hours, sometimes days on end.

Without even realizing it, I was my own worst enemy, my harshest critic and by far my sternest judge.  Unwittingly, I repeatedly knocked my own confidence, doubted my worth and recklessly stomped all over my self esteem. Each time I abandoned myself, I reinforced the negative, self-limiting beliefs, I held about me, while reaffirming the negative, limiting opinions of my critics.

Ironically, there is no way on earth that I could ever stand by and allow another to be criticized, judged, humiliated, doubted, belittled, dismissed, ignored, interrogated, ridiculed, bullied, blamed or beaten in this way. I’ve walked out of jobs for far less! Yet, here was I, believing the worst of me to be true, seeing myself through the eyes of the joyless!. Never affording myself the same level of concern, compassion or support that I am so keen to provide for others.

“It is never a good idea to take measure of ourselves through the eyes of the joyless” (Noah Jupe)

Its essential to reflect, to keep a check on ones own behaviour and to recognise the impact that our actions have on others. It is important we recognise the weight in the words we use, including the words we use when talking to ourselves.

It’s important to treat others the way we wish to be treated, and equally as important to treat ourselves well, with compassion, with love and respect.

Believing in yourself, caring about yourself, standing up for yourself, fighting for what you believe in, knowing and standing by your truth.

Speaking up, Standing up, recognising your views and opinions are is as important and as valid as anyone else’s -Self-worth is undoubtedly one of the most valuable lessons we can learn about ourselves.

My wish for you is to learn this lesson well,  learn it early and pass it on! Learn to feel good about yourself, you are supposed to feel good! Seek joy & spread joy.

#LoveYourself #BelieveInYourself #STANDUPForYourself

“A person cannot be comfortable without their own approval” (Mark Twaine)

If you would like support to improve your confidence and increase your self-esteem? Its no coincidence that you have found me! Please Get In Touch