While working as a counsellor in a school, I came across a fire drill memo that left a lasting impression. It included strict, bolded instructions:
“You MUST remain SILENT at All TIMES”.
The forcefulness of this language struck me immediately. It felt more about control than safety, and I wondered how this might land for children, particularly those who had experienced trauma.
When we think about fire drills, the goal is clear – to ensure everyone can move quickly and safely to a secure area. But the way this memo was worded, with its emphasis on “MUST” and “SILENCE”, seemed more likely to provoke anxiety than calm.
This Language Can Be Triggering because:
• “MUST” feels rigid and controlling. For someone who has experienced coercion or a lack of autonomy, this word can trigger deep, instinctive resistance or fear.
• “SILENCE” under pressure can feel impossible, especially for children. In a moment of stress, they might whisper to a friend for reassurance, cry, or call out in fear – all perfectly human responses. Demanding silence in these moments can amplify feelings of shame or failure.
• It creates a power imbalance, focusing on compliance over cooperation, which can be particularly distressing for those who have felt powerless or unheard in the past.
A Trauma-Informed alternative chooses connection Over control
Instead of demanding silence, we might say:
“Please move quietly and calmly to the designated safe area. Your safety is our priority.”
Why This Approach Works:
• It encourages calm, rather than compliance through fear.
• It respects the natural, instinctive responses of children, reducing unnecessary pressure.
• It frames the drill as a shared effort toward safety, reinforcing trust and cooperation.
In the STAND: Parents as Protectors program, we talk about the power of language and its ability to shape how children perceive themselves and the world around them. Trauma-informed communication is about more than just choosing the right words – it’s about creating a culture of respect, safety, and connection.
Why it Matters:
• Safety and Belonging – Children who feel safe and respected are more likely to communicate openly and trust the adults around them.
• Empowerment, Not Compliance – When we choose language that respects autonomy, we teach children that their voices matter. This is a powerful protective factor against coercion and manipulation.
• Resilience and Self-Worth – Words that uplift and empower build resilience, helping children recover from adversity and grow into confident, self-assured adults.
This small but significant difference in tone is about more than just fire drills. It’s about how we choose to communicate in all aspects of life – as parents, teachers, and caregivers. Trauma-informed language builds trust, reduces anxiety, and fosters a sense of belonging. It respects autonomy, values choice, and prioritises connection over control.
If we want children to feel safe, valued, and heard, our words must reflect that intention.
When we use trauma-informed language, we empower children to respond with confidence, rather than fear. We invite them to act with intention, knowing they are respected and valued, even in moments of stress.
Join our STAND: Parents As Protectors program starting soon