To be absolutely honest, its messy, emotional, overwhelming and exhausting. But with that comes the most amazing feeling of mental and emotional freedom when you can finally break away from the chains that have been holding you back in your own mind. The limiting beliefs you have had about yourself slowly subside. A level of confidence and determination shines through so bright that you no longer tolerate the things you once did and what a truly liberating feeling that is.
As with anything in the world, there is no 1 size fits all. This is particularly true when it comes to healing ourselves as the process of healing depends very much on the depth of our pain. The years we have carried it with us and the generally destructive behaviours and coping mechanisms we have displayed as a result. All this need to be addressed so we can identify our triggers, tune in with our bodies responses and learn to control our emotions in a more healthy and manageable way.
Taking responsibility is key! It is completely up to us individually to be responsible for our own healing. Unfortunately there is no magic wand that makes everything all better, that would be too easy. We are given the tools and guidance by those who support us through this difficult time to be able to find our way through but ultimately, it is up to us to put those things into practice and make the difference in ourselves.
In my own healing process i found journals very useful. Part of healing is solitude, distancing yourself from all the people and places that bring chaos to your life and so having a journal to write down how you are feeling is a safe and private way to just get things out your head. Wither that be in the form of poems, stories, memories or just a good old rant, write it down! In writing these things down, it gives us the chance to read it back out loud to our self and hear the words spoken rather than turning over in our head. I for one have on many occasion thought to myself after saying something “that sounded better in my head”. When we vocalise something, we are giving our self the chance to actually hear how we feel rather than just thinking about it and this alone can change the way we start thinking. This is where we start facing our real feelings as opposed to suppressing them and that again is a major part of the healing process.
As i started feeling better, the journal entries became less and less but I would from time to time pick up my journal and read through past entries. It is at this point i realised just how far i had already come and reading the earlier entries actually made me feel really proud of myself and gave me the energy and motivation to keep going forward. In order to do that with a lighter heart and start letting go of the past, i sat down in front of a fire with my journal, read page by page and as i finished each one, i ripped out the page and threw it in the fire until the whole journal was left with just blank pages again. It was almost like a personal cremation of all the things that once weighed me down and it felt so uplifting. This can be done with photos, old letters or anything else that negatively impacts your state of mind or connects you with things that you no longer want in your life. Treat it like a funeral. Respectfully say goodbye to once was and open up to a new way of living, feeling, thinking.
Then start writing again! Open up the journal and start making new entries. As time goes on you will again see how much further you have come. There will always be hurdles and obstacles in our way but we learn to navigate them better as we grow and again, is a reflection of how far we have come in our own healing process. Repeat the “written cremation” as i like to refer to it as, as many times as you need to. This is your process, take as long as you need!
Music! The music we listen to very much influences our mood. If we are already feeling low, listening to songs that are generally about break ups, bad love or just generally have depressing lyrics, guess what?? That’s how you are going to feel. Depressed! Music can also have the opposite effect. Create an uplifting playlist with positive messages in the lyrics. Play that playlist every morning and see the difference in your mood as the day starts. A few of my favourite songs and playlists that helped me through were, Blue October – Fear… Matchbox 20 – Unwell…Andreas Moe – Out Of Your Body…alex rainbird Music – there are so many compilations on youtube that are very uplifting and positively impact your mood. Have a listen to some and find one that makes you feel good.
The most important thing to remember in your healing process is, if it doesn’t make you feel good…..stay away from it! You are making your way through the transitional tunnel of self love, self care and self respect. Setting your boundaries and protecting your heart. If the things around you don’t contribute positively to that….its a sure sign you have outgrown them and are ready to move into the next level of healing.
Sending healing wishes to everyone who needs it. Stay strong….YOU CAN DO THIS!!
by Sharon Paxton