Understanding Trauma, Disconnection, and Vulnerability to Manipulation
One of the most important yet misunderstood aspects of trauma is how it disconnects us—from ourselves and from others. And this disconnection doesn’t just leave us feeling isolated; it also makes us more vulnerable to manipulation, including grooming, coercion, and abuse.
A common misconception is that trauma only refers to catastrophic events—accidents, assaults, war, or extreme abuse. But if we define trauma as the impact an event has on our nervous system, we can start to see a much bigger picture. Everyday experiences—criticism, financial stress, being bullied at work—can also shape how we feel about ourselves, how we relate to others, and how we cope.
When our suffering is dismissed—when we hear things like, “Lots of people get criticised at work, but they don’t all drink because of it,” or “Everyone struggles financially, but they don’t all become hermits,”—we internalise the idea that our pain is an overreaction. Many people learn to mask their struggles because minimising their pain only makes them feel worse. But ignoring it doesn’t make it go away.
How Disconnection Makes Us Vulnerable
Unprocessed emotional energy doesn’t just disappear; it gets stored in the nervous system. Over time, this can lead to external coping strategies like substance use, comfort eating, gambling—or internal strategies like avoidance, people-pleasing, and emotional shutdown.
When we are disconnected or dissociative, our internal body awareness (interoception) becomes muted. This means we miss subtle cues—our own instincts, gut feelings, or physical sensations that might alert us to danger.
This is exactly what grooming tactics exploit. Manipulators look for people who are distracted, self-doubting, unsure. They rely on the fact that when we’re disconnected from ourselves, we’re less likely to notice red flags—or to trust ourselves enough to act on them.
Why This Matters for Protecting Children and Families
In our work, we regularly see people in therapy who have been groomed, bullied, or abused—both as children and as adults. Many of them didn’t recognise the warning signs at the time. Not because they weren’t intelligent or strong enough, but because disconnection from their own internal signals made them more susceptible.
Breaking this cycle requires prevention. And prevention starts with awareness.
This is why we created STAND: Parents as Protectors, an online workshop designed to support parents and caregivers in understanding these patterns—how trauma impacts connection, how disconnection creates risk, and how to recognize grooming behaviours before they take hold.
When we understand trauma for what it really is—the way it shapes our nervous system and our sense of self—we gain the power to reconnect. To trust ourselves. To keep our children and families safe.
27th March 2025 by Deborah J Crozier