Lived Experience Blog
Why Compassion, Empathy and Kindness Are the Foundations of Healing
When we meet someone who is struggling — whether with trauma, neurodivergence, or life’s many challenges — the way we respond matters. Compassion, empathy, and kindness create safety. Judgement, criticism, and harshness create fear. When we feel judged or criticised, our internal defences activate.…
The Distance Travelled
I remember sitting in my home with nothing. No money. No bank account. No reserves. My abuser had beaten me and squeezed my jaw so hard it was almost broken — all to force me to hand over my benefits. Two weeks’ worth of income for me and my child, gone in an instant. The electricity had run out on…
The Illusion of Inclusion: When Trauma-Informed Practice Misses the Mark
In recent years, the phrase “trauma-informed” has become widespread across services—from schools to healthcare to local authorities. On paper, this is a welcome shift. It signals a growing awareness that trauma shapes behaviour, that safety matters, and that healing requires more than just…
Time-Limited Therapy and the Myth of Quick Healing
Time limits make sense in many areas of life. But not in healing. Not in therapy. And certainly not when we’re working with complex trauma. Too often, I meet people who have been offered six or eight sessions of therapy — sometimes as little as a single hour per week — and then expected to “pick up…
When Love and Empathy Are Misunderstood
Too Soft? Too Compassionate? Good. When Love and Empathy Are Misunderstood – A Call for Something REAL There’s a particular kind of pain that comes with seeing someone in trauma—whether a child, a parent, or a student—when no one else seems to see it. They see a troublemaker, a problem, a drain.…
The Cost of Incongruence in Trauma-Informed Practice
It’s easy to say the right things. “Inclusive.” “Person-centred.” “Trauma-informed.” These words are everywhere—in training manuals, policies, funding bids, and introductory slides. But saying the right thing isn’t the same as living it. When someone raises a concern, gives feedback, or reaches out…
‘We Borrow Health from Tomorrow’ – Exercise, Diet & Trauma Recovery in Midlife
When we’re young, we rarely think twice about what we eat, how much we move, or whether we’re getting enough rest. Our bodies seem to just get on with it. Late nights, takeaways, skipping meals, or grabbing sugar and caffeine to keep going—somehow, we bounce back. But what we don’t realise is that…
Systemic Exclusion
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been reviewing counselling job listings — often alongside students I support — and I’ve noticed something deeply concerning: Nearly every role demands the same thing: “Applicants MUST be registered with BACP, BABCP or NCS — full or provisional.” Some roles go further,…
From the River Room to the World: Teaching Emotional Regulation Through Song
Teaching emotional regulation to adults is not always easy. In my work with A Positive Start CIC, I’ve often met adults who instinctively dismiss grounding techniques, breathwork, or vagus nerve activation as “woo woo” or “silly.” They weren’t taught about the nervous system, emotional regulation,…
We’re All on the Sliding Scale: People-Pleasing, Narcissistic Traits, and the Path to Congruence
It’s easy to label others as narcissistic or manipulative. But what if I told you we’re all on a sliding scale—between people-pleasing on one end and narcissistic traits on the other—and that both ends of this scale reflect incongruence? They may look different, but they are often fuelled by the…