Earlier this week, I had the privilege of being invited by Florence Koenderink to join a conversation about her work, Beyond the Trauma Wall.
I’ve found myself reflecting on that conversation ever since.
As a trauma-informed practitioner, and as someone with lived experience of trauma, Florence’s concept of the Trauma Wall resonates deeply with me.
When we talk about trauma, we often focus on what happened.
What we talk about less is what happens afterwards.
And by trauma, I mean an event—or series of events—that felt life-threatening, whether the danger was real, perceived, physical, emotional, or psychological.
No one told me what to expect after trauma.
No one explained why I suddenly felt on edge all the time.
Why I couldn’t relax.
Why I struggled to trust.
Why I became hypervigilant.
No one told me why I kept running.
Running from people.
Running from difficult conversations.
Running from feelings.
Running from memories.
Running from situations that reminded me of what had happened.
Sometimes physically.
Often emotionally.
No one explained that running had become a survival strategy.
No one told me why ordinary situations felt threatening.
Why I felt disconnected from myself and from other people.
Why my confidence disappeared.
Why I doubted myself.
Why I felt exhausted from constantly scanning for danger.
Why my nervous system seemed to react before my mind had time to think.
Looking back, I realise I spent years running.
Not because I was weak.
Not because I lacked resilience.
Not because I didn’t want to heal.
I was running because my nervous system believed I was still in danger.
The threat had passed.
But my body hadn’t yet received the message.
Looking back, I can see another layer to my own story.
After the initial attack, there was a second attack around ten weeks later.
Following that incident, the police supported a decision to move my children and me out of the area because, in their words, they believed he wanted to kill me and they could not guarantee our safety.
Looking back, I realise the lesson my nervous system learned was not that I was safe.
It learned that danger was real.
It learned that danger could return.
It learned that survival meant staying alert and keeping moving.
So I did.
I kept moving.
Not because I was restless.
Not because I couldn’t settle.
But because my nervous system had learned that movement was what kept my children and me safe.
Years later, I began to understand that although the threat had passed, my body was still following the rules it had learned during that time.
It was still doing exactly what it had been taught to do.
Stay alert.
Keep moving.
Survive.
What I know now is that these were not signs that I was broken.
They were signs that my body was trying to protect me.
Over time, I began to think of this as a protective barrier.
Florence calls it the Trauma Wall.
A wall built not because people want to keep others out, but because somewhere along the way, their nervous system learned that the world was not safe.
The wall says:
“Stay alert.”
“Don’t trust too easily.”
“Protect yourself.”
“Don’t get hurt again.”
From the outside, this can look like withdrawal, anger, defensiveness, people-pleasing, control, avoidance, isolation, or resistance to help.
But underneath those behaviours is often a nervous system trying its very best to survive.
This understanding sits at the heart of my own work.
The question is not:
“What’s wrong with this person?”
The question is:
“What happened to this person, and what is their nervous system trying to protect them from?”
This is where my STAND and TRUST frameworks fit.
STAND (Stop, Think, Act, Never Doubt) helps create a pause between trigger and reaction. It helps us notice when survival responses are taking over and gives us an opportunity to respond rather than react.
Instead of:
Trigger → Reaction
STAND creates:
Trigger → Awareness → Choice → Response
It helps us recognise:
“This feels dangerous.”
rather than automatically assuming:
“This is dangerous.”
Then TRUST comes in.
Because insight alone doesn’t lower a trauma wall.
Safety does.
TRUST (Trigger Recognition, Reassurance, Understanding, Safety and Truth) helps create the conditions that allow the wall to lower.
Where trauma created fear, TRUST creates safety.
Where trauma created isolation, TRUST creates connection.
Where trauma created confusion, TRUST creates understanding.
Where trauma created self-doubt, TRUST creates reassurance.
Where trauma distorted reality through the lens of past hurt, TRUST helps separate past danger from present truth.
The result is not that the wall is torn down.
The result is that it becomes less necessary.
The person slowly moves from protection to participation.
From survival to connection.
From hypervigilance to safety.
From isolation to belonging.
From fear to growth.
Healing does not happen when we force our way through the wall.
Healing happens when enough safety exists that the wall is no longer needed.
The wall was never the problem.
The wall was protection.
The real work is helping people feel safe enough to put down the protection they once needed to survive.
Thank you, Florence, for creating a model that helps people understand not only the impact of trauma, but also the path beyond it. Your work has prompted me to reflect more deeply on my own experience and on the trauma-informed approaches that have helped me, and many others, find a way forward.
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