“We can only see through the lens of our experience.”
– And that lens is shaped by the nervous system.
When someone has predominantly lived in a ventral vagal state — a state of nervous system regulation characterised by safety, connection, and a sense of ease in the world — their worldview is shaped by consistent access to internal and external resources. From this state, logic, reason, and relational clarity come naturally. However, this baseline of safety can make it difficult to truly grasp the inner landscape of someone who has spent significant time in a dorsal vagal state — where the nervous system has shifted into shutdown, disconnection, and a sense of helplessness as a protective response to overwhelm or threat.
Those who have not experienced this dorsal collapse often unconsciously assume that everyone has access to the same cognitive and emotional capacities they do, even during distress. This leads to a kind of perspective bias, where the belief in their own “rational” view becomes fixed, because they have never known the felt reality of trauma shutting down those very faculties. In contrast, individuals who have experienced dorsal states often doubt themselves — not because they are irrational, but because survival responses inhibit full access to logic, confidence, and voice. This internal struggle can make it difficult to assert or even clarify their perspective in the presence of someone firmly rooted in ventral.
What’s often overlooked is that many people in positions of authority — in services, leadership, and systems — have been able to access those roles because their nervous system allowed them to engage in education, employment, and relationships. That access is a privilege of ventral regulation.
This is precisely why curiosity is essential. Without curiosity, what happens instead is dismissal: the person in ventral may confidently reject the views of someone in dorsal, not out of malice, but out of an inability to feel into what the other is navigating. Dismissal then deepens the shutdown response for the person already struggling, reinforcing their self-doubt and widening the disconnect.
True understanding comes from recognising that lived nervous system states shape how we process, perceive, and respond to the world. If we want to build bridges between different experiences, especially in trauma-informed spaces, we must prioritise openness over certainty, and curiosity over correctness.
Instead of disagreeing or correcting, we can ask: “What shaped your view?”
Because until we’ve lived in another’s nervous system, we are only ever seeing through our own lens.