What seems like an overreaction might be a nervous system doing its best to protect!

Same Room, Different Worlds

Two people.

One moment.

Entirely different experiences.

Have you ever been confused by how differently someone reacts to the same situation you just lived through?

One person shrugs it off. Another breaks down. You’re left wondering — how can it feel so different?

The answer isn’t in the moment itself, but in the lens we’re looking through — and that lens is shaped by the state of our nervous system.

The Nervous System as a Lens

The autonomic nervous system doesn’t just regulate heart rate or digestion — it shapes our entire perception of reality.

When we’re in a ventral vagal state (safe, connected, regulated), the world feels manageable. We can connect with others, think clearly, and respond rather than react.

But if we’re in a sympathetic state (fight/flight) or a dorsal vagal state (shutdown, collapse), everything is coloured by threat. A neutral face can feel hostile. A quiet pause can feel like rejection. Our body’s state becomes our story.

We don’t see things as they are — we see things as we are.

Survival Childhoods Without Obvious Trauma

Not all trauma is loud.

Sometimes it’s the silence that hurts.

You might have grown up in a home where your parents worked tirelessly to give you a better life — but were rarely emotionally available. Maybe you were loved, but not felt. Fed, but not seen.

These are survival environments, not neglectful in the traditional sense, but not consistently safe for emotional growth either.

  • Homes where emotions were brushed off or shamed.
  • Parents under chronic stress, doing their best but never fully present.
  • Socioeconomic pressure where survival came before connection.

This shapes a child’s nervous system — not just their behaviour.

How Children Make Meaning

Children are brilliant at making sense of the world.

But when their caregivers are distracted, overworked, or emotionally unavailable, children don’t blame the adults — they blame themselves.

  • “I’m too much.”
  • “They’d stay if I were better.”
  • “It’s safer to stay quiet.”
  • “I can’t trust people to be there.”

These aren’t just thoughts — they become embodied beliefs, felt in the nervous system. And they colour every future interaction.

Same Situation, Different States

Let’s imagine a simple scenario:

Your boss gives you some constructive feedback.

If you’re in a ventral vagal state (safe and regulated), you might think:

“Okay, I can work on that. This is helpful.”

If you’re in a sympathetic state (anxious, hyper-alert):

“Oh no, I’ve messed up. What do they really think of me? Am I in trouble?”

If you’re in a dorsal vagal state (shut down, numb):

“What’s the point? I’m just not good enough. I should give up.”

Same words. Same moment. But three entirely different internal worlds.

We’re Not All Starting From the Same Place!

This is why judgment and comparison are so unhelpful.

One person may seem “resilient” while another is overwhelmed — not because one is stronger, but because their nervous systems are playing by different rules based on past experiences.

Some of us had the luxury of regulated caregivers.

Some of us grew up managing our own distress alone.

Regulation is not just a skill — it’s often a privilege we weren’t taught.

We’ve come to associate trauma with extremes: abuse, violence, disaster. But trauma is often more nuanced.

It’s the chronic absence of emotional safety.

It’s being told you’re lucky to have a roof over your head while your feelings go unseen.

It’s learning to hide your needs to avoid burdening already exhausted parents.

These subtleties shape our nervous system responses long before we can understand them — and they carry into adulthood in ways that can feel confusing and difficult to explain.

The Power of Awareness

When we begin to see our reactions through the lens of the nervous system, everything softens.

We can stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?”

And start asking, “What happened to my sense of safety?”

Questions to explore:

  • What state am I in right now — safe, anxious, shut down?
  • What is my body trying to protect me from?
  • Is my response about this moment, or something deeper?

Compassion grows from understanding.

Healing begins with awareness.

In Closing – A Call for Compassion!

We are all walking around with invisible stories written by our nervous systems.

Next time someone reacts differently than you — or you feel frustrated with your own sensitivity — pause. Remember: we’re not all seeing the world through the same lens.

Be curious. Be kind. And above all, be gentle — especially with yourself.

Want to Explore More?

If this resonated with you, you might enjoy my free trauma-informed programs, nervous system workshops, and reflective tools for healing and connection.

Visit A Positive Start CIC

You’re not broken — your body just adapted to a world that wasn’t always safe.

And now, you get to relearn what safety feels.