What Happens When We Feel Uncomfortable?
– And Why That Discomfort Might Be a Clue, Not a Problem
Ever felt yourself physically or emotionally pull back when something doesn’t sit right?
You hear a story…
You read a post…
Someone shares something real, raw, painful—
And inside, you squirm.
You tense.
You cross your arms.
You scroll faster.
You check out.
You’re not cold. You’re not uncaring.
Your nervous system is protecting you.
It’s subtle. Often unconscious. But powerful.
You may not notice.
But your body does.
Others notice – those sensitive to change, hyper-vigilant, Neurodivergent, traumatised, the present & mindful #Neuroception
Your body recognises something before your mind does.
It senses discomfort, and the threat response kicks in.
You disconnect.
You stop feeling.
You shut down.
This is dysregulation.
And it’s more common than most people realise.
When we’re dysregulated, we’re not present.
We’re not connected to ourselves—or others.
We can’t co-regulate.
We can’t empathise.
We’re in survival mode.
A dysregulated adult cannot regulate a dysregulated child or another adult.
This matters deeply for parents, carers, teachers, therapists and helping professionals.
Because when your nervous system is shut down, you’re not available, even if your body is in the room.
The first thing I teach my counselling students is this:
You cannot support someone else’s healing if you are not present in your own body.
And that’s no one’s fault.
But we must notice it.
Because overwhelmed staff, however well-intentioned, aren’t just tired—
They’re dysregulated.
And a dysregulated workforce cannot offer consistent safety to those they serve.
So what can help?
One answer lies in understanding what might be trapped inside us.
According to Dr. Bradley Nelson, author of The Emotion Code, many of us carry trapped emotions—energetic imprints from unresolved past experiences, often from childhood.
These emotional imprints shape how we think, feel, and act.
That’s why in our STAND – Parents as Protectors program, we explore the Think–Feel–Act process:
What was the thought?
What did I feel in my body?
What did I do in response?
By slowing things down, we can begin to notice our patterns.
By noticing our patterns, we open the door to healing.
And when we heal, we reconnect.
Because the goal isn’t perfection—
It’s presence.
So today, just notice:
What makes you pull back?
Where does your body react before your mind catches up?
What would it take to stay present—even for a moment longer?
Awareness is the first step.
Compassion is the second.
Healing happens in connection.
Let’s go deeper.
What happens after we disconnect?
When Judgement Is a Nervous System Response – And Why It Might Say More About Safety Than Truth!
Often—we judge.
We criticise.
We label.
We might even diagnose or pathologise—especially in professional settings.
But have you ever asked yourself:
❓ What’s happening in me when I move into judgement of someone else?
❓ Why do I feel the urge to define them, fix them, or dismiss them?
More often than not, judgement is a symptom of a dysregulated nervous system.
When we feel unsafe—but don’t recognise it—our mind steps in to make sense of the discomfort.
And that sense-making often sounds like:
“They’re too much.”
“They’re unstable.”
“They must have a disorder.”
“They need to calm down.”
Judgement gives us the illusion of control when we’ve lost connection.
It’s a defence—because empathy feels too vulnerable when our own system is overwhelmed.
In trauma-informed practice, we pause and ask:
Is this a reaction to the other person? Or a reaction to my own dysregulation?
Because pathologising another human being can be a bypass.
A way to avoid feeling what’s been stirred in us.
And while diagnostic frameworks have their place,
When we use them to distance, diminish, or dismiss— We’re no longer supporting.
We’re protecting ourselves from what we haven’t yet made sense of.
This is why in our STAND – Parents as Protectors program, we challenge the habit of labelling others before we’ve explored our own regulation.
We ask:
“What’s really going on in me right now?”
“Am I thinking clearly?”
“Can I feel my body?”
“Am I reacting from my past or responding to the present?”
Because when we’re regulated, we don’t need to shame, blame or name-call.
We can hold space.
We can stay curious.
We can see the human, not the label.
So today, if you find yourself judging someone harshly—
Pause.
Breathe.
Notice your body.
And ask:
Is this judgement… or is this protection?
Do I feel safe enough to see them clearly, without turning them into a threat?
True trauma-informed care doesn’t start with diagnosing others.
It starts with regulating ourselves.
We’ve explored what happens when we disconnect…
When we move into judgement of others…
But what about when we turn it inward?
When the voice in our head says:
“It’s all my fault.”
“I’m too much.”
“I should be over this by now.”
“I ruin everything.”
“There’s something wrong with me.”
This too… is often dysregulation.
When our nervous system shifts into survival, we lose access to curiosity, compassion, and clear thinking.
We don’t see ourselves accurately.
We see ourselves as the problem.
This internal collapse is rooted in past experiences where connection was withdrawn, emotions weren’t safe to express, or where our needs were too big for the people around us to meet.
So we adapted.
We blamed ourselves.
We made ourselves small.
And that pattern became automatic.
In trauma work, we call this internalised shame.
It’s not a character flaw.
It’s a protective strategy your body learned to survive disconnection.
When we feel dysregulated, shame often rushes in.
It fills the space where safety, co-regulation, or understanding should have been.
And here’s the paradox:
The more we judge ourselves…
The more dysregulated we become.
The more dysregulated we are…
The more likely we are to judge.
That’s why self-compassion isn’t fluffy or indulgent—
It’s vital for healing.
It’s the pathway back to safety.
In our STAND – Parents as Protectors program, we support participants to recognise this pattern using the same Think–Feel–Act process:
What’s the thought?
What’s the feeling in my body?
What’s the automatic response?
By becoming aware of this cycle, we create space to choose differently.
We learn to pause, breathe, and remind ourselves:
“This is old.”
“This is survival, not truth.”
“I don’t need to shrink to be safe anymore.”
The voice of shame is not your truth.
It’s your nervous system trying to protect you—
By turning you against yourself.
So today, if your inner critic is loud,
Pause.
Place a hand on your heart.
And ask:
What does my body need to feel safe right now?
What would kindness say?
Because healing doesn’t happen through shame.
It happens through safety, slowness, and self-connection.
You don’t have to be hard on yourself to grow.
You just have to come home to yourself—one breath at a time.
#TraumaInformed
#NervousSystemAwareness