Seb

Implying

I am not implying that people is positions of power and influence are directly involved in grooming rings and group based sexual exploitation of children and adults, I’m stating it as a known reality.

I am not simply suggesting that those positions include legal and justice fields, police departments, teachers and educational professionals, school and day care staff, councils and authorities, bankers and financial institutions, the elite, journalism, property owners and managers, business owners and successful entrepreneurs, sports providers, entertainers, health care personnel and many many more, I’m stating it as clearly as I can.

I am not implying that all children are vulnerable, I’m stating it as truth and fact.

I am not simply suggesting that adults are vulnerable to grooming techniques and abuse, exploitation and harm, I’m stating it very clearly.

I am not gently implying that some gaps in protection, risks within environments and avoidance by systems are deliberate in order to protect perpetrators, I’m stating it clearly.

I am not hinting that drugs, pornography, internet sex rooms, illicit goods, protection rings, money laundering and more are part of the grooming rings systems, I declare it.

I am not hinting that not all survivors are trapped by those specific activities or individuals, many never encounter drug use or get brought into contact with other crimes. Many do. There are various types of manipulation and control used by groomers and abusers. Talking with survivors is the only way to get a clearer bigger picture. I declare it.

I am not subtly suggesting that perpetrators, abusers, groomers are in all walks of life, all types of environments, and men and women, young and old of all backgrounds, I’m declaring it.

I’m not implying that one of the groomers, abusers greatest shields is how the public views survivors, how we define vulnerability, how we understand trauma, how we like to victim blame and how we look for the monsters instead of seeing they are human, I’m stating it loudly.

I’m not hinting that survivors must be heard, not passively but actively, involved and integrated, informed and empowered, respected and protected, in order to care authentically and also to learn from the insights and knowledge they possess. I’m declaring it.

I am not implying that abusers can be that friendly neighbour, the kind family member, the generous business owner who gives so much to the community, the successful person who surely wouldn’t need to do that to anyone, the rich one, the powerful ones, the charismatic one, that lovely lady. I am stating it.

I’m not suggesting that children of all ages and backgrounds are currently being abused, groomed and brought into worlds of terror, disconnection and exploitation, in every community, I state it without doubt.

I’m not implying that the world of sexual exploitation, all exploitation and manipulation, of grooming whether individual based or group based can and will involve brutal violence and intimidation, I declare this.

I am not hinting that abuse, grooming, harm and manipulation is carried out against children by people they know and are encouraged to trust. I am stating it.

I am not simply suggesting that schools, health care providers, social clubs, care services for children, boarding schools and all levels of staffing within can and are directly involved in the abuse and grooming of children and in grooming rings, I am declaring it.

I am not hinting that those of positions of power with duties to protect have been actively covering up, deflecting attention from, disguising and ignoring knowledge of grooming and abuse. I state it clearly.

I am not skirting around the fact that by seeing adults as willing, complicit and fully responsible for the abuse they endure is a foundational reason why the abuse continues in plain sight but unnoticed, how adults are trapped in the world of adult sexual exploitation and abuse. I state it.

I am not hinting that abuse, violence, grooming and exploitation of children and adults is capable of happening in every town and village, every city. I state it. In offices, business premises, cafes and bars, colleges, schools, flats, posh houses, back rooms, restaurants, friendly houses, expensive hotels, everywhere, in plain sight. Now.  I declare it.

But I also state:

There are people, professionals, people around us who are genuinely, authentically and purposefully committed to prevention and protection.

There are systems, environments and organisations devoted by action and words to improving safeguarding and providing meaningful safety and protection.

There are survivors who are in positions to speak, talk, write, challenge, educate and empower.

There are people who “get it” about trauma, human behaviour, disconnection, true self, risk and hope.

There are those who see beyond the veil of normality and everyday to see the reality and abuse happening.

There are those who understand how grooming, grooming rings, abuse, exploitation operates and how to shine a light on it.

There are those who know how to actively equip children and adults with the words, insights, self power, knowledge needed to improve their safety and the safety of those around them.

There is hope.

We are not alone.

by Seb

In 2 places at once

I recently sat with someone, a relative stranger, someone offering to collaborate and connect in the joint purpose and pursuit of protection and awareness. We talked about my story, a few parts of my life experience, about grooming rings and the need for inquiries and greater understanding.

I told my story, directly, honestly with an awareness that it was an uncomfortable topic but in full knowledge of the importance of these conversations.

This was done in a safe, considered and respectful manner. An opportunity that I am grateful for and one that holds hope.

In the hours afterwards, once home, fed and rested I felt the balancing within. The balance of my mind, emotions, thoughts in reflection being reached by being in 2 places at the same time.

I was nervous, but not scared.

I was excited but not anxious

I was at ease yet alert

Then I relaxed into it. I know my truth, I know what happened, I know the world I lived in and how it operates, I know its impact. All I didn’t know was how this would go, how I’d word things, how I’d come across, how I’d be interpreted or understood.

Knowledge and unknown at the same time.

My body relaxed. Words came though with heart and truth. Memories flashed but didn’t have control over me. Authentic control of self in a new situation.

My aim and purpose coexisting with uncertainty and newness.

Afterwards the expected physical sensations ran through me, queasiness, a bit wobbly, deep breaths, but they passed quickly.

The voices of old still muttered in my memories but they were contained, muffled, put the side for now.

A feeling of authenticity and pride emerged, unexpectedly. I was happy with what we had accomplished and with what I had said. Still surprised that I’d said it, that I’d taken that leap of faith and courage, but happy that I had.

For decades this was not possible. For reasons of safety then, the environments and connections, the world I lived in internally and externally would never have allowed space or ability to speak up. I was then locked in by rings, exploitation, fear and harm.

My mind locked in one space by terror and numbness. By reinforced experiences and expectations. By disconnection and pain.

Here I was moving to a new place, a new sense of being, leaving the old one behind bit by bit. One foot still there sometimes but able to balance the two realities.

The fear and the courage. The despair turning to hope. The memories and the goals. The doubt and the certainty. The gratitude and the regret. The uneasiness and the new foundation. The shame and the grace. The guilt and the forgiveness. The anger and the grief. The emptiness and new abundance. The confusion and the direction.

For many years I’d lived in many places at once. The school child who loved adventure stories and walking in nature who also faced abuse and harm.

The youth who craved connection, wanted fun, had dreams, who was at the same time being violently abused and groomed. The one who worked normal jobs, played the role of bar staff, office admin, shop assistant and bar manager at the same time selling themselves to “clients”, exploited in a hidden world. Hidden yet in plain sight. The one who was the family member, the friend, the loved one, the confidant and pal who was also terrified of people, with good reason.

My body would freeze as my mind raced, or vice versa.

Yet nowadays I’m talking instead of remaining silent.

I’m showing up for myself instead of locking myself away.

I’m pausing. Releasing and reflecting instead of reacting and resisting.

I’m hoping instead of constantly dreading.

I’m allowing the iffy, nervy, heavy times to exist, to feel them and honour them, though it’s not easy at all.

I’m looking forward instead of just always getting through the day.

I’m at peace more than not.

Being in 2 places at the same time is okay as long as you know where you are and you know the way home. To you.

by Seb