The Devouring Mother Archetype
According to Jung, the ‘Devouring Mother’ archetype, consumes her children psychologically and emotionally, preventing their independence from her (Know Your Archetypes, 2020). This mother is selfish rather than selfless. She acts as if she is protecting her children from the real world, while she is sabotaging their independence by not teaching them life skills (Know Your Archetypes, 2020). By infantilizing the child, the mother keeps the child helpless and maintains her need to feel superior by getting attention in the form of sympathy from others (Psychology Today, 2022). The devouring mother acts lovingly until her child shows signs of dissent or independence, then the child will be met with rejection and devaluation by the mother (Psychology Today, 2022). At times of genuine need the devouring mother may not have the necessary coping skills to support her child and may reject the child as weak and abandon the child emotionally (Psychology Today, 2022). This pattern of parenting may be a learned generational trauma pattern (Know Your Archetypes, 2020).
Unless the child reflects the mother’s values or gives them bragging rights the mother will actively malign their child’s potential and steal the child’s competence (Know Your Archetypes, 2020). Normal dependency needs by the child is pathologized and neglected by the mother (Psychology Today, 2022). The mother’s controlling behaviour is often passed off as a virtue (Psychology Today, 2022). The child may have been parentified by the mother who exploited or pushed their child into an adult role such as a best friend, nurse, pseudo spouse or therapist (Psychology Today, 2022). For the child this parenting is profoundly traumatizing and may result in long-term nervous system hyperactivation and long-term health problems (Psychology Today, 2022). The child will have a lack of independence, difficultly making friends and an inability to cope with stress or adversity, anxiety or depression (Know Your Archetypes, 2020). At the extreme end of this archetype is Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy where the seemingly caring and concerned mother is simultaneously harming her child (Schreier, 1992).
Teaching a child important life skills would empower growth, confidence and independence away from the devouring mother (Know Your Archetypes, 2020). A mother making her children competent and courageous makes them safe and resilient in the world. A resilient child will not fear moving forward in life and they will have a belief in their own competence to prevail. The devouring mother is herself not capable of independence and is usually co-dependent on the child to meet her needs (Know Your Archetypes, 2020). The devouring mother must keep the role of looking after the child even when the child reaches adulthood, to ensure that she is not left alone (Know Your Archetypes, 2020). Educating ourselves about toxic relationships and learning about our own individual strength helps to break the cycle of this type of control.
Reference
Know Your Archetypes. (2020). What is the Devouring Mother Archetype? (Characteristics + Examples). [online] Available at: https://knowyourarchetypes.com/devouring-mother-archetype/.
Psychology Today. (2022). 13 Ways Narcissistic Parents Sabotage Their Children. [online] Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/202211/13-ways-narcissistic-parents-sabotage-their-children [Accessed 31 Jan. 2025].
Schreier, H.A. (1992). The perversion of mothering: Munchausen syndrome by proxy. Bulletin of the Menninger Clinic, [online] 56(4), pp.421–37. Available at: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1422520/.
Triangulation
Triangulation is a manipulative tactic, used to create divisions and tensions within a group dynamic (Bay, 2024). Triangulation has three distinct roles: the target, the persecutor and the rescuer (Bay, 2024). The rescuer often confuses the persecutor with the target (Bay, 2024). The persecutor is the person pulling the emotional strings (Bay, 2024). The perpetrator’s goal is to bait the target into acting like a perpetrator and cause a break down in trust and communication within the group (Bay, 2024). Both the target and rescuer are being manipulated to act out of impulse and fear (Bay, 2024). When you are on the receiving end of a triangulation experience, you may feel isolated, insecure and unsure of the cause of your distress (Bay, 2024). The effects of triangulation can impact your self-esteem and put the seed of doubt into your relationships (Bay, 2024). It is vital to learn how triangulation functions to be able to mitigate the emotional damage it causes (Bay, 2024).
The goal of triangulation is to control communication and cause misunderstandings and conflicts (Bay, 2024). Manipulators may be acting from a learned self-protective behaviour to prove their devotion to the rescuer while devaluing their targeted competitors (Cuncic, 2022). People with Borderline Personality Disorder can instinctively use triangulation to remove any competitors that might challenge their position with people they rely on to meet their needs (Bay, 2024). People with Borderline Personality Disorder are often driven by feelings of abandonment (Grouporttherapy.com, 2025). Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic personality disorder have a fragile sense of self and use triangulation to secure their self-esteem by devaluing those they see as potential competitors (Grouporttherapy.com, 2025). They may be attempting to create a distraction to divert attention away from them when they feel inadequate, driven to protect themselves from humiliation (Cuncic, 2022). Narcissistic personalities will use triangulation to split their moral self-image and inferior self-image onto others (Cuncic, 2022). When triangulation no longer meets the needs of those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder, they may be motivated to work towards positive change.
To cope affectively in a triangulation situation is to maintain self-control and not react in the moment (Grouporttherapy.com, 2025). Take a step back to objectively evaluate the situation to prevent escalating conflict further (Grouporttherapy.com, 2025). Validate your own feelings and experiences then observe the other person’s response, to see if they are genuinely willing or able to resolve the situation to support healthy boundaries. Healthy relationships are a journey and involve ongoing effort and commitment (Bay, 2024). When dealing with triangulation it is essential to remember that you have control over how you react.
References
Bay (2024). Understanding Triangulation: Effects and Strategies to Cope. [online] Bay Area CBT Center. Available at: https://bayareacbtcenter.com/triangulation/.
Chase, I. (2024). If you recognize these 7 behaviors, you’re dealing with a low IQ individual. [online] Baseline. Available at: https://www.baselinemag.com/self-development/if-you-recognize-these-behaviors-youre-dealing-with-a-low-iq-individual/ [Accessed 13 Feb. 2025].
Cuncic, A. (2022). What Is Triangulation in Psychology? [online] Verywell Mind. Available at: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-triangulation-in-psychology-5120617.
Grouporttherapy.com. (2025). Triangulation in Borderline Personality Disorder: Unraveling the Intricacies | Grouport Journal. [online] Available at: https://www.grouporttherapy.com/blog/triangulation-borderline-personality-disorder.
Resentment
Letting go of anger can be a lot harder than you realize, especially if you continue to feed your anger by hyper-focusing on negative emotions such as hostility, hate and bitterness, until your anger festers into resentment (Clinic, 2024). If your feelings of being wronged by circumstances or situations go unchecked, you may begin to feel inadequate, which can lead to catastrophic thinking, cognitive dissonance and victimhood (FEE, 2018). Your perceptions and reality become distorted if you hold onto anger (Clinic, 2024). When anger takes residence in your body it can weaken the immune system leading to digestive issues and autoimmune disorders (Clinic, 2024).
Resentment is a complex emotion, and it is often associated with feelings such as guilt, shame and remorse (Clinic, 2024). When you feel resentment, you are emotionally shut off to others, believing that it gives you some sort of control and power (Clinic, 2024). Internally you are engaging in avoidance behaviour which can festers into resentment (Clinic, 2024). Resentment is a poison that affects your self-worth and personal goals, and it will sabotage your expectations (Clinic, 2024). People will become aware of your resentment which may manifest itself as passive-aggressive behaviour or jealousy and they will withdraw from you. You may have urges to seek revenge on others and settle the score (Clinic, 2024). Victimhood is a toxic and violent emotion (FEE, 2018). People who claim victim status will blame others for their resentment (FEE, 2018). Often blame is directed at people you consider a rank higher on the social dominance hierarchy scale (Fee, 2018).
Forgiveness of yourself and others has the power to heal you (Clinic, 2024). Studies show that people who can forgive others have an increased capacity and will carry less stress in the body (Clinic, 2024). Self-reflection will help you to find ways to release the pent-up aggression inside you and replace your anger with healthy coping responses (Clinic, 2024). Self-discovery will uncover the roots of your resentment and stop the resentment cycle (Clinic, 2024). Empathy for others plays a vital role in stopping resentment from taking hold, by being able to put yourself in other people’s shoes and understand their perspective (Clinic, 2024). Finding empathy for others helps us have empathy for ourselves and creates the space needed for forgiveness and personal growth (Clinic, 2024).
Being grateful for all that you have is a good starting point. Leaving anger behind you is an act of self-love that will support your future success (Clinic, 2024).
Reference
Clinic, C. (2024). Resentment: How It Can Creep In and Take Hold. [online] Cleveland Clinic. Available at: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-resentment.
Foundation for Economic Education (2018). Confronting the shadow of the victimhood mentality. [online] fee.org. Available at: https://fee.org/articles/confronting-the-shadow-of-the-victimhood-mentality-delving-into-the-psychology-of-the-synagogue-shooting/.
Avoidant Personality
Avoidant Personality (AVP), or Avoidant Personality Disorder as classified by the DSM- (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition), is characterized as hypersensitivity to rejection due to a deep sense of inadequacy (Fariba and Sapra, 2021). AVP can be genetic or the result of childhood physical and emotional abuse (RETTEW et al., 2003). People with this disorder have a longing for a meaningful connection to others but their intense fear of rejection, leads to maladaptive behaviour patterns that ensures their isolation and continued emotional harm (Fariba and Sapra, 2021). It is a doom loop that is hard to break until an AVP individual learns to embrace positive feedback and reject negative self-talk.
Individuals with AVP will misinterpret any feedback or even differing points of view, as a personal attack and react with anger (De Almería et al., 2015). Anger is a self-destructive behaviour that can be the long-term effect of childhood trauma. Children who have been physically and emotionally abused learn a sense of powerlessness that causes frustration with the world around them and they struggle to regulate their emotions (Anon, n.d.). Childhood trauma can cause individuals to have a negative view of themselves and the world (De Almería et al., 2015). Anger will provide a temporary release from stress for individuals with AVPD, however this aggressive behaviour causes them to be rejected (Thomson and Kjaervik, 2024). At the core of AVP is self-criticism, a belief that they are inherently flawed and unappealing (RETTEW et al., 2003). This self-criticism can lead to a lack of hygiene and self-care which causes people to reject them (Fariba and Sapra, 2021).
Growth comes from positive feedback and working towards positive change. With talk therapy you can figure out criticisms that are helpful and those that are not. With individuals who suffer with AVP it is the truth that they are most afraid of that will ultimately set them free.
References
Anon, (n.d.). Childhood Trauma May Lead to Anger in Adulthood – Northlake Behavioral Health. [online] Available at: https://northlakebh.org/childhood-trauma-may-lead-to-anger-in-adulthood/ [Accessed 7 Jun. 2024].
De Almería, U., Hageman, E., Francis, T., Jp, A., Field and Carr, A. (2015). International Journal of Psychology and Psychological Therapy. Links between Childhood Experiences and Avoidant Personality Disorder Symptomatology International Journal of Psychology and Psychological Therapy, [online] 15(1), pp.101–116. Available at: https://www.redalyc.org/pdf/560/56038720006.pdf.
Fariba, K. and Sapra, A. (2021). Avoidant Personality Disorder. [online] PubMed. Available at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK559325/.
RETTEW, D.C., ZANARINI, M.C., YEN, S., GRILO, C.M., SKODOL, A.E., SHEA, M.T., MCGLASHAN, T.H., MOREY, L.C., CULHANE, M.A. and GUNDERSON, J.G. (2003). Childhood Antecedents of Avoidant Personality Disorder: A Retrospective Study. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 42(9), pp.1122–1130. doi:https://doi.org/10.1097/01.chi.0000070250.24125.5f.
Thomson, N.D. and Kjaervik, S.L. (2024). Exploring the Nexus: Personality Disorders and Their Impact on Violent Extremism, Radicalism, and Activism. Journal of Personality Disorders, 38(4), pp.350–367. doi:https://doi.org/10.1521/pedi.2024.38.4.350.
Reputation Savaging
Reputation savaging is an act of violence by innuendo to cause a targeted individual to be lowered in a group’s estimation (Petric, 2022). A ruined reputation seriously effects the well-being of those who experience it (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, 2018). An individual’s reputation affects how they feel about themselves and how others see them. Reputation savaging affects victims on a biological, social and psychological level. Understanding the behaviour of those that steal reputations will help you to be more discerning in the company that you keep. Understanding the realities of anti-social behaviour is the key to protecting your reputation (Airmic.com, 2017).
A good reputation is a valuable social structure, that informs other people that they can trust you to take their interest into account and that you exhibit stable behaviour (Erving, 2024). A good reputation is a competence marker and a social moral virtue, signifying that you are on the side of the Just. For those with anti-social personalities they will want to tap into this unearned social credit resource. They will be attracted to the superior hierarchy it can provide them while being unburdened by the weight of the moral responsibilities that others have taken on to achieve a good reputation. Those with anti-social personality disorders seek out others with strong moral characters as a camouflage for their own failings and split their moral self-image and inferior self-image onto others (Cuncic, 2022).
Narcissists cannot see the true reflection of themselves, instead they will want to adopt yours. What they covet in you will eventually lead to resentfulness and envy of you. Narcissists will often over claim their abilities and by stealing the reputation of others they can enhance their own reputation and abilities. Through derogation of you they attempt to self-elevate. Innuendo can be as subtle as the use of body language such as negative facial expressions which are loaded with hidden social messages. A look of disgust can be a powerful way to throw shade at a target. Disgust feelings are associated with a sense of justice and injustice and at a primordial level are a signal to others in a group to keep clear of an object of disgust. Similarly, the perpetrator operates through subtle manipulations such as acting anxious or scared is a subtle messaging to other to be wary of you. The veiled criticisms are orchestrated emotional games.
The reverse halo affect will undo all your previous good work and the old adage that there is no smoke without fire will come at an unbelievably high cost to you (Erving, 2024). The perpetrator’s goal is to bait the target into acting like a perpetrator and cause a break down in trust and communication within the group (Bay, 2024).
Narcissists thrive in the chaos and confusion they create as they deflect from themselves. Your success only highlights their failure. Narcissists are essentially trapped in themselves unable to self-reflect and therefore grow. The anti-social personality that wants what you have soon turns into, thinking that you don’t deserve what you have. Envy is corrosive and it festers into resentment (Airmic.com, 2017). Resentment leads to sabotage, passive aggressive body language, and direct rumour to discredit you. Gaslighting is their psychological warfare, and it will distort all perceptions of reality (Airmic.com, 2017). Deception and manipulations are the weapons used by anti-social people to control others (Airmic.com, 2017). If you do not want to believe that there are people in the world that are malicious and thrive on destruction you will not put up barriers to them Erving, M. (2024).
Once your eyes are opened to anti-social people, you cannot unsee what you have seen and there is power in that. Toxic people can be recognized in patterns of their behaviour or perhaps an accumulation of passive aggressive comments meant to undermine you. Exploit kindness, societal views of loyalty and use guilt to achieve your compliance and tether you to their Chaos. Toxic people seek emotional entanglement and will poison every part of your life and erode your peace of mind. Anti-social people thrive in the darkness of confusion and cannot survive in the light. Self-respect is not negotiable, and it requires boundaries that are the gate keeper to toxic people. Preserving a realistic picture of yourself and surrounding yourself with people who think both positively and realistically about you is the antidote for toxic lies and reputation savaging (Airmic.com, 2017).
Reference
Airmic.com. (2017). Understanding behaviour is key to protecting reputation | Airmic. [online] Available at: https://www.airmic.com/news/understanding-behaviour-key-protecting-reputation [Accessed 14 Feb. 2025].
Bay (2024). Understanding Triangulation: Effects and Strategies to Cope. [online] Bay Area CBT Center. Available at: https://bayareacbtcenter.com/triangulation/.
Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (2018). Addressing stigma. [online] CAMH. Available at: https://www.camh.ca/en/driving-change/addressing-stigma.Petric, D. (2022).
Cuncic, A. (2022). What Is Triangulation in Psychology? [online] Verywell Mind. Available at: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-triangulation-in-psychology-5120617.
Erving, M. (2024). When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. [online] Maria Erving — Transformational Teacher. Available at: https://mariaerving.com/when-someone-shows-you-who-they-are-believe-them-the-first-time/ [Accessed 14 Feb. 2025].
Psychology of Abusive Human Behavior. Open Journal of Medical Psychology, [online] 11(02), pp.29–38. doi: https://doi.org/10.4236/ojmp.2022.112003.
Rizvi, M. (2024). Why People Try to Ruin Others’ Lives: Hidden Motives Behind Their Behaviors. [online] Medium. Available at: https://medium.com/illumination/why-peopletry-to-ruin-others-lives-hidden-motives-behind-their-behaviors-1a1a9e5d5dc8 [Accessed 14 Feb. 2025].
De humanising Modernism and Zombie Architecture
A sense of place refers to the emotional and psychological connection you feel towards a specific location (Bo and Rani, 2025). It is the feeling and comfort of going home, a sense of belonging, an identity from experiencing a space that resonates with your values and memories and culture (Bo and Rani, 2025). Sometimes we don’t have people or family in our lives or an ideology that gives us a sense of belonging, sometimes we find our identity in a place to call home.
The Scottish Borders has architecture dating from the 12th century, influenced by medieval Scotland and the writings of Sir Walter Scott. It is a very special place, and the architecture evokes positive emotions, engaging people with their communities (Kingston Society, 2024). The symbols found in our architecture are complex and are not immediately clear to us but continue to create emotional connections for us (Kingston Society, 2024). What will letting our beautiful buildings fall into disrepair or be replaced with modernism do to our sense of place? Why are our buildings not being restored and protected? How many meeting places such as our pubs, libraries and church halls have been lost and defaced due to the slow march of modernism since the 1950s? What exactly is the Utopian goal that modern architecture is moving us towards? In the Scottish Borders do we not already have the architectural utopian ideal? Is the loss of cohesion that modernism brings in our best interests?
Modern Globalised Architecture is not a style, instead it is an ideological top-down rejection of our cultural past aiming to change our sense of community and belonging, with soulless alienating, zombie spaces (Kingston Society, 2024). Modernism aims to radically change the emotional and symbolic needs of the people, leaving us with no meaningful alternative to return to (Kingston Society, 2024). According to Haussmann, Modernism is cultural tyranny, and institutions are using a perceived hierarchy of values such as rationalism and efficiency and a rejection of ornamentation as a kind of moral imperative to force this architectural radicalization on communities (Kingston Society, 2024). Restoring and renovating our existing buildings would seem to have the moral hierarchy of sustainability rather than the environmentally damaging choice of modern buildings. Where has the belief system, that new is always better come from? Modern architecture since1950, influenced by constructivism and social realism has been proven to not age well and has no longevity, unlike our 800 years of beautiful architecture set in rolling hills.
The goal of all regimes is to change the environment to serve their political or financial aims. By changing historical references and classic elements in architecture they can make the change permanent and irreversible (Sarp and lab, 2023). With centralizing planning, communities lose control and identity and self-determination (Sarp and Lab, 2023). All totalitarian regimes such as communism use architecture as a tool to promote their ideology and exert control, with standardized housing losing individualism and designing public spaces to reinforce the state’s power and shape citizens behaviour (Sarp and Lab, 2023). All new political regimes know they needed to erase the past to bring in their kind of new (Strauss, 2015). The cultural hero and archaeologist Khaled Asaad dedicated his life to protecting Syrian artifacts from ISIS militants (Strauss, 2015). Assad was executed, deemed immoral for preserving his cultural identity (Strauss, 2015). France understood the endurance of their culture through their architecture when they surrendered Paris to a fascist regime. Our architecture has the role of preserver of our collective memory and tradition in our culture. Buildings are not just physical structures they embody the values and beliefs of people who created them and inhabit them. The Marxist Rudi Dutschke in the 1960s coined the phrase “the long march through the institutions” as the intellectual and cultural stealth takeover of a society without the need to resort to military conflict (Renew, 2021).
The Scottish Borders has taken centuries to create but can be torn down in a moment, whose needs and desires does modernism serve?
References
Bo, L. and Rani, A. (2025). The Value of Current Sense of Place in Architectural Heritage Studies: A Systematic Review. Buildings, 15(6), pp.903–903. doi:https://doi.org/10.3390/buildings15060903.
Kingston Society (2024). The tyranny of modern architecture: why we hate it and how styles like London Vernacular complicate the debate. [online] Kingston upon Thames Society. Available at: https://kts.org.uk/kingstons-riverside-new-indoor-spaces-thrive-but-gloomy-walkway-still-lags-behind/ [Accessed 4 Dec. 2024].
Renew (2021). The Long March through the Institutions of Society. [online] Renew. Available at: https://renew.org/the-long-march-through-the-institutions-of-society/.
Strauss, M. (2015). Archaeologist’s Execution Highlights Risks to History’s Guardians. [online] Adventure. Available at: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/adventure/article/150820-syria-archaeologist-isis-protecting-artifacts.
Sarp and Lab (2023). Pillars of Power: The Role of Architecture in Enforcing Communist Ideology in Albania - SARP AND LAB. [online] SARP AND LAB - SARP AND LAB. Available at: https://sarpandlab.al/pillars-of-power-the-role-of-architecture-in-enforcing-communist-ideology-in-albania/ [Accessed 17 Jul. 2025].
Resentment
Resentment
Letting go of anger can be a lot harder than you realize,especially if you continue to feed your anger by hyper-focusing on negative emotions such as hostility, hate and bitterness, until your anger festers into resentment (Clinic, 2024). If your feelings of being wronged by circumstances or situations go unchecked, you may begin to feel inadequate, which can lead to catastrophic thinking, cognitive dissonance and victimhood (FEE, 2018). Your perceptions and reality become distorted if you hold onto anger (Clinic, 2024). When anger takes residence in your body it can weaken the immune system leading to digestive issues and autoimmune disorders (Clinic, 2024).
Resentment is a complex emotion, and it is often associated with feelings such as guilt, shame and remorse (Clinic, 2024). When you feel resentment, you are emotionally shut off to others, believing that it gives you some sort of control and power(Clinic, 2024). Internally you are engaging in avoidance behaviour which can festers into resentment (Clinic, 2024). Resentment is a poison that affects your self-worth and personal goals, and it will sabotage your expectations (Clinic, 2024).People will become aware of your resentment which may manifest itself as passive-aggressive behaviour or jealousy and they will withdraw from you. You may have urges to seek revenge on others and settle the score (Clinic, 2024). Victimhood is a toxic and violent emotion (FEE, 2018). People who claim victim status will blame others for their resentment (FEE, 2018). Often blame is directed at people you consider a rank higher on the social dominance hierarchy scale (Fee, 2018).
Forgiveness of yourself and others has the power to heal you(Clinic, 2024). Studies show that people who can forgive others have an increased capacity and will carry less stress in the body(Clinic, 2024). Self-reflection will help you to find ways to release the pent-up aggression inside you and replace your anger with healthy coping responses (Clinic, 2024). Self-discoverywill uncover the roots of your resentment and stop the resentment cycle (Clinic, 2024). Empathy for others plays a vital role in stopping resentment from taking hold, by being able to put yourself in other people’s shoes and understand their perspective (Clinic, 2024). Finding empathy for others helps us have empathy for ourselves and creates the space needed for forgiveness and personal growth (Clinic, 2024).
Being grateful for all that you have is a good starting point.Leaving anger behind you is an act of self-love that will support your future success (Clinic, 2024).
Reference
Clinic, C. (2024). Resentment: How It Can Creep In and Take Hold. [online] Cleveland Clinic. Available at: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-resentment.
Foundation for Economic Education (2018). Confronting the shadow of the victimhood mentality. [online] fee.org. Available at: https://fee.org/articles/confronting-the-shadow-of-the-victimhood-mentality-delving-into-the-psychology-of-the-synagogue-shooting/.
Panic Attack
A Panic Attack is an abrupt surge of intense fear with symptoms such as palpitations, difficulty breathing, chest and or abdominal pain, nausea and even chills (DeGeorge et al., 2022). There is a fear of dying and of losing control (DeGeorge et al., 2022). Panic attacks can occur without a clear reason, making the experience even more frightening for the individual (Anxiety Disorders, 2022). Panic disorder is defined by recurrent, unexpected panic attacks followed by a persistent concern for further attacks, resulting in the avoidance of going out altogether (Asmundson, 2014).
When stress has built to a critical level it takes very little to trigger a panic response (Anxiety Disorders, 2022). Even in times of calm the individual suffering from panic attacks can become alarmed, triggering their body to respond to an imminent threat (DeGeorge et al., 2022). The quality of life for those with panic disorder, is reduced due to their constant worry that an attack may take place in a public setting, resulting in restricting their movements and avoiding being in public (Anxiety Disorder, 2022). Bad experiences can cause hypersensitivity, which is a future vigilance mechanism, that unconsciously informs the body of potential threat. This is an arousal that becomes very difficult to switch off and can cause cognitive distortions (Anxiety Disorders, 2022). When suffers learn that their alarm response is a natural response it often gives them a sense of relief (Anxiety Disorders, 2022). The etiology of panic attacks is multifactorial including psychological, biological and environmental matters (Anxiety Disorders, 2022). The brain is wired to prioritize negative information for survival (Anxiety Disorders, 2022). Individuals suffering with panic disorder may have a bias towards negative information contributing to the sensation that they are under constant threat (Lazarus, 2021).
Cognitive behavioural therapy is proven to be highly effective in changing and mastering the learned behaviour that triggers the alarm response (Asmundson, 2014). The knowledge of the existence of a trigger for those suffering with panic attacks, can provide reassurance for some sufferers as it provides them with control (Asmundson, 2014). With cognitive behavioural therapy individuals learn that their response is normal just stuck in a high setting. What triggers the panic may not be known to the individual but with CBT this knowledge can be learned, changing the catastrophic thinking which is causing the body’s physical reactions (Asmundson, 2014).
References
Anxiety Disorders - Etiology.” Social Sci LibreTexts, 6 Oct. 2022, socialsci.libretexts.org/Bookshelves/Psychology/
Asmundson, G. J. G., Taylor, S., & A. J. Smits, J. (2014). Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia: An Overview and Commentary on Dsm-5 Changes. Depression & Anxiety (10914269), 31(6), 480-486. https://doi.org/10.1002/da.22277
DeGeorge, K. C., Grover, M., & Streeter, G. S. (2022). Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder in Adults. American Family Physician, 106(2), 157.
Lazarus, J. (2021). Negativity bias: An evolutionary hypothesis and an empirical programme. Learning and Motivation. 75. 101731. 10.1016/j.lmot.2021.101731.
Child Alienation
Alienation is when a child will reject a parent who they had previously enjoyed a happy and healthy relationship with (Treatment and Prevention of Parental Alienation, n.d.). Alienation is emotional, psychological, insidious child abuse, meant to intentionally damage a child’s relationship with a loving parent (Treatment and Prevention of Parental Alienation, n.d.). Child alienation crosses both gender and socioeconomic lines and is often the result of a separation, where custody of a child comes with financial gain (Treatment and Prevention of Parental Alienation, n.d.). The child’s feelings towards a once loved parent will become enmeshed with the negative view of the alienating parent (Lewis, n.d.). The child is made into a weapon to destroy the other parent and may make up lies about the targeted parent, with no capacity to feel guilt for their behaviour (Lewis, n. d). The child is stuck in a double bind position, having to echo the beliefs and feelings of one parent about the other (Woodall, 2022). As a defence mechanism the child psychologically splits the self, forced to divide their feelings about their parents with one parent being all good and the other all bad (Woodall, 2022).
The family court system rarely separates a child from the alienating parent, making the targeted parent powerless to reunite with their child (www.brunel.ac.uk, n.d.). When a Judge is unwilling to deconstruct the power and control dynamic around the child, it cannot be ensured that the healthy parent holds the power (www.brunel.ac.uk, n.d.). The alienation abuse is often invisible to social workers and teachers and even to family court Judges (Lewis, n.d.). The targeted parent often appears anxious, unbalanced, depressed or angry (Lewis, n.d.). The alienating parent appears more credible composed and relaxed (Lewis, n.d.). Custody assessments are big business profiting from the desperation of parents, pushed by adversarial lawyers, for ruinous custody battles (www.brunel.ac.uk, n.d.). Court motions can be delayed repeatedly, and alienating parents can use lawfare to prolong the distance between the targeted parent and child until they create a new status quo (Klein, 2021). Access supervisors are often pushed by the alienating parent to maintain the separation, so the child continues to feel that the parent is untrustworthy (www.brunel.ac.uk, n.d.). Children are often pressurized to participate in a ‘voice of the child’ report by lawyers and social workers, as if they are somehow respecting the child’s autonomy and wishes (Woodall, 2022). Children are vulnerable to emotional and psychological influence and have no sovereignty over their being (Woodall, 2022). Like a death by a thousand cuts, a parent without any wrongdoing, without even a custody trial can be permanently separated from their child (Karen Woodall, n.d.).
The alienator’s strategy will be to control the narrative and seek allies to help them exploit the alienation of the child, to further disempower and physically separate the targeted parent (Warshak, 2021). Allies for the alienator might be found in the family’s community or school, leaving the targeted parent with no one to turn to for helphildress, 2015). If the targeted parent does not have a support group their loss will not be recognized or supported. There is a stigma attached to the rejected parent making it feel unsafe for them to grieve (Treatment and Prevention of Parental Alienation, n.d.). As a result, the parent will be left without a much-needed support group, during a traumatic time in their lives hildress, 2015). For the rejected parent they will endure stigma, shame and feelings of grief and loss (Warshak, 2021). There is a high suicide rate for rejected parents (Harman, Leder-Elder and Biringen, 2019). Rejected parents have described alienation as experiencing the death of their child without the permission to grieve (Treatment and Prevention of Parental Alienation, n.d.). The result for the child is shame, a lowering of a child’s self-image and a loss of self-respect and the loss of a loving parent (Lewis, n.d.). Most worrying for the child is a learnt familiarity and comfort to be in relationships where they are controlled (Lewis, n.d.). In the most severe cases it is not before the child becomes an adult that they will be able to understand how they have been manipulated and may only then seek out the rejected parent (Childress, 2015). The injustice and dis-empowering of the targeted parent can cause suffering and lasting harm for both the parent and child (Warshak, 2021).
According to the research of Karen Woodall (2022) the core issue in alienation is psychological splitting which is a defence mechanism in the child caused by the relational dynamics around the child. This moves away from parental alienation theory currently used by the adversarial court system, which is more focused on litigation strategies than on the best interests of the child (Woodall, 2022). Treatment of the problem is more important than the diagnosis and the ongoing attempt by experts to pathologize their opinion, using parental alienation theory (Woodall, 2022). Seeing the ruptured relationship as the key to the child’s long term mental health, means that everything must be done to bring the rejected parent and child together to repair the attachment (Woodall, 2022). Children have the right to be loved by both their parents.
Karen Woodall (2017) advises targeted parents, failed by the legal system, to reconceptualize themselves as the healthy parent rather than as the rejected parent. How to do that is to return yourself back into the flow of life and let go of the hatred for your situation so that you can let love back in (Woodall, 2022). Appreciate what you have and care for yourself by not seeing yourself as only alive through the being of your alienated child (Woodall, 2022). Leave a digital footprint for your child to find you and keep reaching out. Live a good life so that your child can look up to you (Woodall, 2022). Do not stay a victim because your child needs you to be their Hero (Admin, 2021). You will always be their parent, and your child needs you to never give up on them or to lose faith in them (Admin, 2021). Unconditional Parental Love is illustrated for us in the biblical story of King Solomon and the baby. The Old Testament story is about two parents who fight over who the real parent is. The king orders that the baby is split in two so that each parent can have a half. The true parent cries out to save the child’s life, prepared to let go of the physical custody of their child. The moral of the story is that true unconditional love has the power to restore your child to you.
References
Admin (2021). Coping & Thriving – VictimToHero.com. [online] Victimtohero.com. Available at: https://victimtohero.com/category/coping-thriving/ [Accessed 17 Nov. 2024].
Childress, A. D. C. (2015, June 9). Wake up! Dr. Craig Childress: Attachment Based “Parental Alienation” (AB-PA). https://drcraigchildressblog.com/2015/06/09/wake-up/
Harman, J.J., Leder-Elder, S. and Biringen, Z. (2019). Prevalence of adults who are the targets of parental alienating behaviors and their impact. Children and Youth Services Review, [online] 106, p.104471. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.childyouth.2019.104471.
Karen Woodall - Psychotherapist, Writer, Researcher, Trainer. (2017). The Unbearable Experience of The Alienated Child: Lessons From The Recovery Journey. [online] Available at: https://karenwoodall.blog/2017/05/20/the-unbearable-experience-of-the-alienated-child-lessons-from-the-recovery-journey/ [Accessed 17 Nov. 2024].
Karen Woodall - Psychotherapist, Writer, Researcher, Trainer. (2022). What is Induced Psychological Splitting and Why Does it Matter? [online] Available at: https://karenwoodall.blog/2022/09/13/what-is-induced-psychological-splitting-and-why-does-it-matter/.
Klein, J. (2021). ‘Women are routinely discredited’: How courts fail mothers and children who have survived abuse. [online] the Guardian. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/aug/14/courts-fail-mothers-children-abuse.
Lewis, K. (n.d.). Parental Alienation Can Be Emotional Child Abuse. [online] Available at: https://www.ncsc.org/__data/assets/pdf_file/0014/42152/parental_alienation_Lewis.pdf.
Treatment and Prevention of Parental Alienation. (n.d.). Psychiatric Times. https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/treatment-and-prevention-parental-alienation
Warshak, 2021. Parental Alienation’s Tragic Legacy of Shame, Guilt, & Remorse Dr. Richard Warshak September 26, 2021.Warshak.com. https://warshak.com/blog/2021/09/26/parental-alienations-tragic-legacy-of-shame-guilt-remorse/\
www.brunel.ac.uk. (n.d.). ‘Playing the Parental Alienation card’: Abusive parents use the system to gain access to children. [online] Available at: https://www.brunel.ac.uk/news-and-events/news/articles/Playing-the-Parental-Alienation-card-Abusive-parents-use-the-system-to-gain-access-to-children.
The difference between; Psychologist, Psychotherapist, Psychiatrist
“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your Philosophy.” (Baskin, 2019).
Shakespeare’s philosophical words speak to the larger human experience such as love, dreams, sensuality, and the imagination (Baskin, 2019). The philosophy of a Psychotherapist is that the client is the expert of their own life and the Psychotherapist’s goal is the client’s self-efficacy and self-awareness by considering the biological, social, cultural, psychological, and spiritual influences they may have (Gómez et al., 2015). The human experience is an ever-evolving holistic understanding of problems and a Psychotherapist considers all the dimensions of the client’s lived experience (Du Toit, 2021). A Psychotherapist’s approach to therapy is holistic rather than medical, thinking in terms of clients rather than in terms of patients (Gómez et al., 2015).
Psychotherapists do not pathologize their clients instead they look at the diversity of the human experience using a client’s strength, resilience, and potential for growth (Gómez et al., 2015). Psychotherapists help individuals overcome stress, emotional and relationship problems, as well as troublesome habits (NHS, 2015). A Psychotherapist may be a Psychiatrist, Psychologist or other mental health professional who has had an in-depth specialist training (NHS, 2015). Psychiatrists are medical doctors and study mental health problems and their diagnosis, management, and prevention (NHS, 2015). The discipline of Psychology is concerned with the functioning of the mind and in exploring areas such as learning, remembering and psychological development (NHS, 2015). Psychologists are usually not medically qualified and are more likely to treat severe mental illness such as psychosis or personality disorders (NHS, 2015). Psychologists are trained to conduct psychological and neuropsychological testing and to analyse and interpret human behaviour through a clinical lens (Gómez, 2015). A Psychologist’s diagnosis is their interpretation but is not necessarily scientific fact. The clinical lens is invaluable however it can at times overshadow a holistic view of clients and can be limited by the Psychologist’s own belief system (Gómez, 2015). At times when a person is pathologized, they can feel trapped in the mental illness they have been labelled with (Gómez, 2015). When the focus becomes just about the difficulty that the person is experiencing rather than on that individual’s strength there is a risk that they will over identify with the pathology rather than with their own individual identity (Gómez, 2015).
Psychotherapy avoids restrictive models of understanding human distress and labels based on pre-established categories of meaning (Du Toit, 2021). Psychotherapy’s approach is that the client is the expert of their own life and moves away from the Therapist, Psychiatrist or Psychologist acting as the expert of a patient’s life. The client as the expert of their own life is understood in Psychotherapy, in the lateral respect between the therapist and the client by diminishing the existence of a hierarchy. The goal of Psychotherapy is to be open to the larger human experience of the client and to promote a client’s capacity to actively recognize and accept their responsibility and freedom to live authentically (Du Toit, 2021).
References
Du Toit, (2021, October 18). To be or not to be: what is existential psychotherapy? Top Doctors. https://www.topdoctors.co.uk/medical-articles/to-be-or-not-to-be-what-is-existential-psychotherapy
Gómez, J. M., Lewis, J. K., Noll, L. K., Smidt, A. M., & Birrell, P. J. (2015). Shifting the focus: Non-pathologizing approaches to healing from betrayal trauma through an emphasis on relational care. Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 17(2), 165–185. https://doi.org/10.1080/15299732.2016.1103104
Jon Baskin (2019). Start reading Ordinary Unhappiness | Press, S. U. Www.sup.org. https://www.sup.org/books/extra/?id=29316&i=Conclusion.html
NHS. (2015, March 26). Differences between psychology, psychiatry, and psychotherapy. Health Careers. https://www.healthcareers.nhs.uk/explore-roles/psychological-therapies/differences-between-psychology-psychiatry-and-psychotherapy