Panic Attack
A Panic Attack is an abrupt surge of intense fear with symptoms such as palpitations, difficulty breathing, chest and or abdominal pain, nausea and even chills (DeGeorge et al., 2022). There is a fear of dying and of losing control (DeGeorge et al., 2022). Panic attacks can occur without a clear reason, making the experience even more frightening for the individual (Anxiety Disorders, 2022). Panic disorder is defined by recurrent, unexpected panic attacks followed by a persistent concern for further attacks, resulting in the avoidance of going out altogether (Asmundson, 2014).
When stress has built to a critical level it takes very little to trigger a panic response (Anxiety Disorders, 2022). Even in times of calm the individual suffering from panic attacks can become alarmed, triggering their body to respond to an imminent threat (DeGeorge et al., 2022). The quality of life for those with panic disorder, is reduced due to their constant worry that an attack may take place in a public setting, resulting in restricting their movements and avoiding being in public (Anxiety Disorder, 2022). Bad experiences can cause hypersensitivity, which is a future vigilance mechanism, that unconsciously informs the body of potential threat. This is an arousal that becomes very difficult to switch off and can cause cognitive distortions (Anxiety Disorders, 2022). When suffers learn that their alarm response is a natural response it often gives them a sense of relief (Anxiety Disorders, 2022). The etiology of panic attacks is multifactorial including psychological, biological and environmental matters (Anxiety Disorders, 2022). The brain is wired to prioritize negative information for survival (Anxiety Disorders, 2022). Individuals suffering with panic disorder may have a bias towards negative information contributing to the sensation that they are under constant threat (Lazarus, 2021).
Cognitive behavioural therapy is proven to be highly effective in changing and mastering the learned behaviour that triggers the alarm response (Asmundson, 2014). The knowledge of the existence of a trigger for those suffering with panic attacks, can provide reassurance for some sufferers as it provides them with control (Asmundson, 2014). With cognitive behavioural therapy individuals learn that their response is normal just stuck in a high setting. What triggers the panic may not be known to the individual but with CBT this knowledge can be learned, changing the catastrophic thinking which is causing the body’s physical reactions (Asmundson, 2014).
References
Anxiety Disorders - Etiology.” Social Sci LibreTexts, 6 Oct. 2022, socialsci.libretexts.org/Bookshelves/Psychology/
Asmundson, G. J. G., Taylor, S., & A. J. Smits, J. (2014). Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia: An Overview and Commentary on Dsm-5 Changes. Depression & Anxiety (10914269), 31(6), 480-486. https://doi.org/10.1002/da.22277
DeGeorge, K. C., Grover, M., & Streeter, G. S. (2022). Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder in Adults. American Family Physician, 106(2), 157.
Lazarus, J. (2021). Negativity bias: An evolutionary hypothesis and an empirical programme. Learning and Motivation. 75. 101731. 10.1016/j.lmot.2021.101731.
Child Alienation
Alienation is when a child will reject a parent who they had previously enjoyed a happy and healthy relationship with (Treatment and Prevention of Parental Alienation, n.d.). Alienation is emotional, psychological, insidious child abuse, meant to intentionally damage a child’s relationship with a loving parent (Treatment and Prevention of Parental Alienation, n.d.). Child alienation crosses both gender and socioeconomic lines and is often the result of a separation, where custody of a child comes with financial gain (Treatment and Prevention of Parental Alienation, n.d.). The child’s feelings towards a once loved parent will become enmeshed with the negative view of the alienating parent (Lewis, n.d.). The child is made into a weapon to destroy the other parent and may make up lies about the targeted parent, with no capacity to feel guilt for their behaviour (Lewis, n. d). The child is stuck in a double bind position, having to echo the beliefs and feelings of one parent about the other (Woodall, 2022). As a defence mechanism the child psychologically splits the self, forced to divide their feelings about their parents with one parent being all good and the other all bad (Woodall, 2022).
The family court system rarely separates a child from the alienating parent, making the targeted parent powerless to reunite with their child (www.brunel.ac.uk, n.d.). When a Judge is unwilling to deconstruct the power and control dynamic around the child, it cannot be ensured that the healthy parent holds the power (www.brunel.ac.uk, n.d.). The alienation abuse is often invisible to social workers and teachers and even to family court Judges (Lewis, n.d.). The targeted parent often appears anxious, unbalanced, depressed or angry (Lewis, n.d.). The alienating parent appears more credible composed and relaxed (Lewis, n.d.). Custody assessments are big business profiting from the desperation of parents, pushed by adversarial lawyers, for ruinous custody battles (www.brunel.ac.uk, n.d.). Court motions can be delayed repeatedly, and alienating parents can use lawfare to prolong the distance between the targeted parent and child until they create a new status quo (Klein, 2021). Access supervisors are often pushed by the alienating parent to maintain the separation, so the child continues to feel that the parent is untrustworthy (www.brunel.ac.uk, n.d.). Children are often pressurized to participate in a ‘voice of the child’ report by lawyers and social workers, as if they are somehow respecting the child’s autonomy and wishes (Woodall, 2022). Children are vulnerable to emotional and psychological influence and have no sovereignty over their being (Woodall, 2022). Like a death by a thousand cuts, a parent without any wrongdoing, without even a custody trial can be permanently separated from their child (Karen Woodall, n.d.).
The alienator’s strategy will be to control the narrative and seek allies to help them exploit the alienation of the child, to further disempower and physically separate the targeted parent (Warshak, 2021). Allies for the alienator might be found in the family’s community or school, leaving the targeted parent with no one to turn to for helphildress, 2015). If the targeted parent does not have a support group their loss will not be recognized or supported. There is a stigma attached to the rejected parent making it feel unsafe for them to grieve (Treatment and Prevention of Parental Alienation, n.d.). As a result, the parent will be left without a much-needed support group, during a traumatic time in their lives hildress, 2015). For the rejected parent they will endure stigma, shame and feelings of grief and loss (Warshak, 2021). There is a high suicide rate for rejected parents (Harman, Leder-Elder and Biringen, 2019). Rejected parents have described alienation as experiencing the death of their child without the permission to grieve (Treatment and Prevention of Parental Alienation, n.d.). The result for the child is shame, a lowering of a child’s self-image and a loss of self-respect and the loss of a loving parent (Lewis, n.d.). Most worrying for the child is a learnt familiarity and comfort to be in relationships where they are controlled (Lewis, n.d.). In the most severe cases it is not before the child becomes an adult that they will be able to understand how they have been manipulated and may only then seek out the rejected parent (Childress, 2015). The injustice and dis-empowering of the targeted parent can cause suffering and lasting harm for both the parent and child (Warshak, 2021).
According to the research of Karen Woodall (2022) the core issue in alienation is psychological splitting which is a defence mechanism in the child caused by the relational dynamics around the child. This moves away from parental alienation theory currently used by the adversarial court system, which is more focused on litigation strategies than on the best interests of the child (Woodall, 2022). Treatment of the problem is more important than the diagnosis and the ongoing attempt by experts to pathologize their opinion, using parental alienation theory (Woodall, 2022). Seeing the ruptured relationship as the key to the child’s long term mental health, means that everything must be done to bring the rejected parent and child together to repair the attachment (Woodall, 2022). Children have the right to be loved by both their parents.
Karen Woodall (2017) advises targeted parents, failed by the legal system, to reconceptualize themselves as the healthy parent rather than as the rejected parent. How to do that is to return yourself back into the flow of life and let go of the hatred for your situation so that you can let love back in (Woodall, 2022). Appreciate what you have and care for yourself by not seeing yourself as only alive through the being of your alienated child (Woodall, 2022). Leave a digital footprint for your child to find you and keep reaching out. Live a good life so that your child can look up to you (Woodall, 2022). Do not stay a victim because your child needs you to be their Hero (Admin, 2021). You will always be their parent, and your child needs you to never give up on them or to lose faith in them (Admin, 2021). Unconditional Parental Love is illustrated for us in the biblical story of King Solomon and the baby. The Old Testament story is about two parents who fight over who the real parent is. The king orders that the baby is split in two so that each parent can have a half. The true parent cries out to save the child’s life, prepared to let go of the physical custody of their child. The moral of the story is that true unconditional love has the power to restore your child to you.
References
Admin (2021). Coping & Thriving – VictimToHero.com. [online] Victimtohero.com. Available at: https://victimtohero.com/category/coping-thriving/ [Accessed 17 Nov. 2024].
Childress, A. D. C. (2015, June 9). Wake up! Dr. Craig Childress: Attachment Based “Parental Alienation” (AB-PA). https://drcraigchildressblog.com/2015/06/09/wake-up/
Harman, J.J., Leder-Elder, S. and Biringen, Z. (2019). Prevalence of adults who are the targets of parental alienating behaviors and their impact. Children and Youth Services Review, [online] 106, p.104471. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.childyouth.2019.104471.
Karen Woodall - Psychotherapist, Writer, Researcher, Trainer. (2017). The Unbearable Experience of The Alienated Child: Lessons From The Recovery Journey. [online] Available at: https://karenwoodall.blog/2017/05/20/the-unbearable-experience-of-the-alienated-child-lessons-from-the-recovery-journey/ [Accessed 17 Nov. 2024].
Karen Woodall - Psychotherapist, Writer, Researcher, Trainer. (2022). What is Induced Psychological Splitting and Why Does it Matter? [online] Available at: https://karenwoodall.blog/2022/09/13/what-is-induced-psychological-splitting-and-why-does-it-matter/.
Klein, J. (2021). ‘Women are routinely discredited’: How courts fail mothers and children who have survived abuse. [online] the Guardian. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/aug/14/courts-fail-mothers-children-abuse.
Lewis, K. (n.d.). Parental Alienation Can Be Emotional Child Abuse. [online] Available at: https://www.ncsc.org/__data/assets/pdf_file/0014/42152/parental_alienation_Lewis.pdf.
Treatment and Prevention of Parental Alienation. (n.d.). Psychiatric Times. https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/treatment-and-prevention-parental-alienation
Warshak, 2021. Parental Alienation’s Tragic Legacy of Shame, Guilt, & Remorse Dr. Richard Warshak September 26, 2021.Warshak.com. https://warshak.com/blog/2021/09/26/parental-alienations-tragic-legacy-of-shame-guilt-remorse/\
www.brunel.ac.uk. (n.d.). ‘Playing the Parental Alienation card’: Abusive parents use the system to gain access to children. [online] Available at: https://www.brunel.ac.uk/news-and-events/news/articles/Playing-the-Parental-Alienation-card-Abusive-parents-use-the-system-to-gain-access-to-children.
The difference between; Psychologist, Psychotherapist, Psychiatrist
“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your Philosophy.” (Baskin, 2019).
Shakespeare’s philosophical words speak to the larger human experience such as love, dreams, sensuality, and the imagination (Baskin, 2019). The philosophy of a Psychotherapist is that the client is the expert of their own life and the Psychotherapist’s goal is the client’s self-efficacy and self-awareness by considering the biological, social, cultural, psychological, and spiritual influences they may have (Gómez et al., 2015). The human experience is an ever-evolving holistic understanding of problems and a Psychotherapist considers all the dimensions of the client’s lived experience (Du Toit, 2021). A Psychotherapist’s approach to therapy is holistic rather than medical, thinking in terms of clients rather than in terms of patients (Gómez et al., 2015).
Psychotherapists do not pathologize their clients instead they look at the diversity of the human experience using a client’s strength, resilience, and potential for growth (Gómez et al., 2015). Psychotherapists help individuals overcome stress, emotional and relationship problems, as well as troublesome habits (NHS, 2015). A Psychotherapist may be a Psychiatrist, Psychologist or other mental health professional who has had an in-depth specialist training (NHS, 2015). Psychiatrists are medical doctors and study mental health problems and their diagnosis, management, and prevention (NHS, 2015). The discipline of Psychology is concerned with the functioning of the mind and in exploring areas such as learning, remembering and psychological development (NHS, 2015). Psychologists are usually not medically qualified and are more likely to treat severe mental illness such as psychosis or personality disorders (NHS, 2015). Psychologists are trained to conduct psychological and neuropsychological testing and to analyse and interpret human behaviour through a clinical lens (Gómez, 2015). A Psychologist’s diagnosis is their interpretation but is not necessarily scientific fact. The clinical lens is invaluable however it can at times overshadow a holistic view of clients and can be limited by the Psychologist’s own belief system (Gómez, 2015). At times when a person is pathologized, they can feel trapped in the mental illness they have been labelled with (Gómez, 2015). When the focus becomes just about the difficulty that the person is experiencing rather than on that individual’s strength there is a risk that they will over identify with the pathology rather than with their own individual identity (Gómez, 2015).
Psychotherapy avoids restrictive models of understanding human distress and labels based on pre-established categories of meaning (Du Toit, 2021). Psychotherapy’s approach is that the client is the expert of their own life and moves away from the Therapist, Psychiatrist or Psychologist acting as the expert of a patient’s life. The client as the expert of their own life is understood in Psychotherapy, in the lateral respect between the therapist and the client by diminishing the existence of a hierarchy. The goal of Psychotherapy is to be open to the larger human experience of the client and to promote a client’s capacity to actively recognize and accept their responsibility and freedom to live authentically (Du Toit, 2021).
References
Du Toit, (2021, October 18). To be or not to be: what is existential psychotherapy? Top Doctors. https://www.topdoctors.co.uk/medical-articles/to-be-or-not-to-be-what-is-existential-psychotherapy
Gómez, J. M., Lewis, J. K., Noll, L. K., Smidt, A. M., & Birrell, P. J. (2015). Shifting the focus: Non-pathologizing approaches to healing from betrayal trauma through an emphasis on relational care. Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 17(2), 165–185. https://doi.org/10.1080/15299732.2016.1103104
Jon Baskin (2019). Start reading Ordinary Unhappiness | Press, S. U. Www.sup.org. https://www.sup.org/books/extra/?id=29316&i=Conclusion.html
NHS. (2015, March 26). Differences between psychology, psychiatry, and psychotherapy. Health Careers. https://www.healthcareers.nhs.uk/explore-roles/psychological-therapies/differences-between-psychology-psychiatry-and-psychotherapy
Forgiveness In Therapy
Forgiveness is defined as the deliberate decision to let go of feelings of anger, resentment, and retribution (Cherry, 2023). Forgiveness is the cognitive, motivational, and emotional experience of decreasing negativity and increasing positivity (Mayo Clinic, 2022). Studies show that forgiveness is linked to reduced stress levels and to increased relationship satisfaction (Mayo Clinic, 2022).
Self-forgiveness is about acceptance and moving on with your life without ruminating over past events (Cherry, 2023). The four Rs of Self-forgiveness are Responsibility, Remorse, Restoration and Renewal (Cherry, 2023). With therapy at, A Positive Start CIC, you can learn to understand your emotions and reduce their intensity, including the feelings of guilt or shame (Cherry, 2023). Guilt can be an emotion that is a form of self-punishment and can cause feelings of worthlessness, which if left unresolved can lead to depression, addiction, and aggression (Cherry, 2023). Rumination can become a self-hatred trap making it difficult to maintain your self-esteem and motivation (Cherry, 2023). Self-forgiveness is more than putting the past behind you, it is about showing compassion to yourself (Cherry, 2023). Forgiving yourself requires finding a way to learn from the experience and grow as a person (Loggins, 2021).
While self-forgiveness is a powerful practice it is not intended for people who unfairly blame themselves or have shame for something they are not responsible for, such as victims of abuse, trauma, or loss (Cherry, 2023). Being in a toxic relationship can cause toxic shame which is detrimental and an emotion that has been projected onto you (Loggins, n.d.). Toxic shame is pervasive of narcissistic parents for instance, who groom their children to become excessively guilt-ridden in order to control them (Lo, n.d.). For victims it is difficult to acknowledge the abuse (Lo, n.d.). The decision to forgive is personal and should favour the person who is forgiving more than the person being forgiven (Loggins, 2021). There may be cultural reasons that cause you feel that it is your responsibility to forgive and forget. Forgiving is not trusting (Lo, n.d.). You reserve the right to safeguard your boundaries and protect yourself from abuse (Lo, n.d.). If we move hastily to forgiveness without first acknowledging the trauma, we bypass essential steps to the path of congruent love and self-love (Lo, n.d.). Forgiveness is a choice and not something you should feel pressured into doing (Loggins, 2021). You do not need to justify anything to anyone, and you can believe in yourself, your integrity, and virtues (Lo, n.d.). You can forgive what has happened to you, you can even see the bigger picture that hurt people hurt, but you must also be able to say, never again! (Lo, n.d.).
Reference
Cherry, K. (2023). How to forgive yourself. [online] Verywell Mind. Available at: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-forgive-yourself-4583819.
Loggins, Brittany (2021). Is It OK Not to Forgive Someone? [online] Very well Mind. Available at: https://www.verywellmind.com/when-is-it-ok-not-to-forgive-someone-5199745.
Lo, I. (n.d.). Narcissistic Parents Abuse You in These 5 Ways. [online] Eggshell Therapy and Coaching. Available at: https://eggshelltherapy.com/narcissistic-parent-abuse/#:~:text=It%20is%20pervasive%20for%20parents [Accessed 22 Jul. 2024].
Mayo Clinic (2022). Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness. [online] Mayo Clinic. Available at: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692.