Those of us with lived experience of toxic environments and oppressive relationships, recognise the familiar territory of coercive, manipulative behaviours which I’ve written about a lot over the years in my blog posts and abuse prevention workshops.
‘Narcissist’, has become something of a buzz word in recent years; ‘My boss is a proper narcissist‘; a throw away comment with little or no understanding of what narcissism really is. What many people are referring to are narcissistic traits or behaviours, rather than Narcissistic Personally Disorder.
The truth is, most of us are capable of portraying ‘Narcissistic traits’ and of adversely impacting others with selfish, often damaging language and behaviours. Whether we are willing to accept that or not, will pretty much depend on how high we are on the narcissistic scale, and how self aware we are. We are all responsible for our actions, and it is imperative each of us constantly monitor our language and behaviours in order to recognize the impact that we are having on others. It is our responsibility as evolved humans, to ensure we are not abusive or impacting adversely on other peoples health and mental wellbeing. This doesn’t mean being silent as not to offend, it means learning about and practicing self-care and self reflection, boundaries, emotional intelligence and emotional literacy, while being mindful of our ego’s and keeping them in check.
If you Type ‘definition of abuse’ into google search, which is how many people find their information, it offers the following examples of abuse;
verb
use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse.
“the judge abused his power by imposing the fines”treat with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.“riders who abuse their horses should be prosecuted”noun
the improper use of something.
“alcohol abuse”cruel and violent treatment of a person or animal.“a black eye and other signs of physical abuse”
To the outside world, a toxic, narcissistic relationship with a partner/spouse, parent, boss or other may go by unnoticed because coercive behaviour is often invisible to the untrained eye. Regularly overlooked, misinterpreted and/or misunderstood by some who are in the position of supporting victims but who are fortunate enough to have never experienced, and by experienced I mean, Felt the impact of – coercive or abusive behaviour.
‘You may be able to accurately describe an island that you have never visited by reading about it in a brochure, but can you ever truly know what it feels like to be there unless you have experienced it first hand? Can you know how it feels to have the sand between your toes, the wind in your hair, the smells, signs and sounds of the sea if you have never actually visited to a Beach? Its doubtful, which is why its so important to include lived experience in victim support services.
Coercive behaviour is all about the senses – its about how an individual thinks & FEELS, and how a manipulator can influence their thoughts and feelings by using techniques like the Invisible Seduction.
We often make the assumption that a trained professional will be able to recognise the signs of an abuse and coercion on the basis that they have studied and trained for the role and so must therefore understand it fully. In my own experience, and the experiences of many of the victims I’ve supported, this has not been the case. Judges who ask victims why they have stayed in a violent, abusive relationship if it was really as bad as they say it was – a perfect example of a lack of understanding around the issue of coercive control. This lack of understanding is devastating for the victim who comes to realize that the people who are supposed to be on their side fighting their corner, cannot be relied upon because they do not understand the first thing about their situation or their circumstances. Victims are often made to feel as though they are the problem, which is perfect for the abuser who has cleverly instilled this belief. The feeling of hopelessness is magnified by this realization, further traumatizing the victim who does not feel safe. A lack of safety is at the heart of trauma.
I describe coercive behaviour, as though the outside world are watching a 3 dimensional movie in 2D. They get to see the outline; the overview – but its impossible for them to see the whole picture. This is also true for many unsuspecting victims who spend years believing they must be going mad. Once recognised, the victim and the experienced survivors are viewing in 3D and they are all seeing something entirely different. The abuser is fully aware of this and uses it to their advantage. Most victims doubt themselves, a consequence of this kind of behaviour. They question themselves and are more likely to believe there is something wrong with them; they are paranoid, or going crazy when in reality the issue is a merely a lack of understanding of what they are dealing with.
In couples counselling, I have sat face to face with victims of abuse who have smiled and laughed along with their abuser, confirming verbally that everything is fine, whilst at the same time attempting to speak to me with their eyes whenever their abuser isn’t looking. Silently signaling that they do not feel safe to speak. The aggressor, looking every inch the caring, smiling & friendly partner – plays the part faultlessly. The fact that the victim feels unable to say what is on their mind is a sure sign of coercive control. The problem is, unless you know this, the victims smile often gives the impression that everything is fine.
Unable to speak freely, victims experience a whole range of negative emotions that cannot be witnessed by the onlooker; Panic, Anxiety, Stress, Embarrassment – all being held together by a well-rehearsed, painted smile. Victims have unwittingly learned to appear calm on the surface, while falling apart within. In my experience victims themselves often do not recognise how controlled they are, it is only when you ask why they feel unable to speak their truth in front of certain individuals that they can even begin to see the situation for what it is. Fear is the driver – it is also a white flag, an energy that is picked up and used by the manipulator to further their advantage. Facing the fear, being able to stand up to the aggressor is an essential part of the healing process.
In my experience, I was able to determine from the sound of the footsteps on the floorboards above me, whether today was going to be a good day for me or not. I instinctively knew what to say and what not to say to keep myself safe. I was highly skilled at navigating my way around the landmines, but I hated myself for being so weak because I would say or do whatever it took to keep myself safe. I had no control over the silent power that decided my every move and thought of myself as a worthless loser as a direct result. The longer I permitted this behaviour, the harder the fight became. I was not only losing the fight, I was losing important relationships, integrity, worth, financials, home, job, and so much more, time and time again.
Copyright© 2021. Deborah J Crozier.
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