I was recently asked a question that landed quietly but powerfully:

“Is it possible there can be two selves?”

My answer came without hesitation:

“Absolutely.”

What follows is not theory offered from a distance, but reflection shaped through lived experience, me search, we search, research — alongside trauma-informed understanding and spiritual insight. This is not something I have only studied; it is something my own nervous system lived through, and did what it needed to do to protect life when life was under threat.

Because depending on where you stand — psychology, spirituality, trauma, neuroscience, lived experience — the idea of “two selves” is not strange at all. In fact, it is deeply human.

The Simple View: The Thinker and the Observer

At the most basic level, many of us recognise this:

There is the voice in our head that worries, plans, criticises, imagines.

And there is the part of us that notices that voice.

As Eckhart Tolle writes in A New Earth:

“What a liberation to realize that the ‘voice in my head’ is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.”

— Eckhart Tolle

Eckhart Tolle describes this beautifully in A New Earth. He speaks of the difference between:

  • The chattering ego-mind
  • And the observer, the part that watches the thoughts without becoming them

The moment you notice “I’m stuck in a loop of anxious thinking”, you are no longer just the thinker — you are also the one who sees the thinking.

As Tolle also teaches:

“The moment you realize you are not present, you are present. Whenever you are able to observe your mind, you are no longer trapped in it.”

— Eckhart Tolle

That alone already suggests more than one self at play:

  • The one who experiences
  • And the one who observes

Internal Family Systems: The Inner Child, the Protector, and the Self

From an Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, the idea of “two selves” expands into something even richer. IFS does not see us as one fixed identity, but as a system of parts, all organised around survival, protection, and the longing for safety.

In this model:

  • The inner child is often understood as an exile — a part that once felt terrified, helpless, unseen, or unsafe and now carries that original fear, pain, or shame.
  • The protectors are the parts that stepped in to manage threat, danger, and overwhelming emotion when that child part had no other way to survive.
  • And beneath it all is the core Self — the calm, compassionate, grounded presence that Dr. Schwartz describes as the natural leader of the internal system when enough safety is present.

Schwartz’s work is grounded in decades of clinical practice and shows that these parts are not signs of pathology, but signs of adaptation and intelligence. Exiles are not frozen because something is wrong with a person — they are held because the nervous system once learned that full awareness of their pain was too much to carry alone. Protectors are not problems to eliminate — they are guardians that formed with one purpose: to keep the system alive.

When someone says,

“Part of me is scared, and part of me knows I’m safe now,”

they are describing this internal system in action — the exile and the Self, with protectors often standing quietly in between.

The parts that step in to manage life, danger, and emotion are known as protectors. Some protect by staying hyper-alert, controlling, pleasing, rescuing, or fighting. Others protect by pulling awareness away — through numbness, withdrawal, dissociation, or watching from a distance.

From this perspective, the part of me that went inside and looked out at the world can be understood as a protector creating distance to shield the exile from further harm. And the inner voice that later summoned me back into full presence when it was time to protect my children was also a protector — not a different self, but the same survival intelligence responding to a changing level of threat.

None of these parts are bad.

None are broken.

Each formed in service of survival.

Trauma, Splitting, and the Two Selves of Survival

From a trauma-informed lens, the experience of “two selves” often begins in childhood.

When a child faces:

  • Overwhelming fear
  • Violence
  • Emotional abandonment
  • Or situations they cannot escape

the nervous system must adapt.

If fight and flight are not possible, the system may:

  • Freeze
  • Or dissociate

This is where splitting of awareness can occur:

  • The inner child remains frozen in terror
  • A watching self steps back to survive
  • A protector takes over to keep life functioning

This is not breakdown.

This is adaptation under unbearable conditions.

Watching the World From a Safe Place Inside My Mind

For me, this wasn’t a theory. It was lived reality.

In the days that followed the violent attack, I was withdrawn and not functioning properly. I was inside myself, but behind something — observing others from a distance yet unable to engage. It felt as though I was inside the screen of a television set, looking out at the world, rather than standing in it.

I was numb.

And I was content to stay there — because it felt safe. It felt like an actual place inside my mind where nothing could reach me. Life was happening out there, and I was protected in here.

From a trauma lens, this is shock and dissociation.

From a human lens, it felt like sanctuary.

Then something else happened.

Another part of me raised its voice.

It told me it was time to return.

It reminded me that I had children.

That I had responsibilities.

That I needed to wake up again — not just for myself, but to protect them and to protect myself from the consequences of other people’s decisions.

I wrote about this in my book When I’m Gone.

People sometimes imagine this state as temporary madness.

I see it as brilliant ancient wisdom.

My parents, doing what they believed was right, took me to the GP. The doctor spoke about me to my parents — not to me. He recognised that I was legally an adult, but also that I was not fully present. He named shock. His professional opinion was Prozac.

And then that same inner voice — the one that rose not only in my mind but echoed through my whole body — protested.

It warned me not to take anything.

It summoned me to wake up.

To get up.

To stay alert.

It told me, very clearly:

“You will not survive if you are not awake and aware.”

And it was right.

Only days later, my attacker broke into my home with a lump hammer.

If I hadn’t been fully functioning — if I had still been sealed behind that inner screen — I may not be here today. That is my belief.

This inner voice is not new to me.

It is the same voice that:

  • Kept me going when I was running the 400 metres at school
  • Guided me through a crowd of young people who were teasing me
  • Reasoned and steadied me during interviews and moments of pressure

It is my internal ally — the part of me that has been with me for as long as I can remember. The part that keeps my inner critic in check. The part that knows when to hide — and when to rise.

From a trauma perspective, this is the protector activating.

From a nervous system perspective, this is survival mobilisation.

From a spiritual perspective, this is inner guidance.

From my lived experience, it is all of these at once.

The Nervous System Was Not Broken — It Was Brilliant

In trauma-informed language:

  • My ventral vagal system (safety and connection) was offline
  • My system shifted between:
    • Sympathetic survival (hypervigilance)
    • Dorsal vagal shutdown (numbness, dissociation)
  • The inner child was overwhelmed
  • The observer and protector stepped in

This is not something going wrong.

This is the body saying:

“I will keep you alive, even if I have to split awareness to do it.”

The Spiritual Perspective: The Witness That Never Left

Across spiritual traditions, the witness consciousness appears again and again

As Eckhart Tolle reminds us:

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.”

— Eckhart Tolle

  • The soul watching the human experience
  • The higher Self guiding the frightened parts
  • The inner presence that remains intact even when the outer world collapses

Even when we:

  • Speak to ourselves in our head
  • Pray for guidance
  • Ask internally for strength

we are already in dialogue between selves — often between a frightened inner child and something wiser, steadier, and more loving.

A Metaphysical View: Consciousness Beyond the Body

From a metaphysical perspective, the idea of “two selves” is not unusual at all. In fact, many metaphysical traditions suggest that consciousness itself is not confined to the physical body or brain, but uses the body as a vehicle for experience.

In this view, there is:

  • The human self — shaped by memory, emotion, trauma, learning, and survival
  • And the conscious awareness that witnesses that human experience

This awareness is not created by fear or trauma — it pre-exists it.

From this lens, when I describe being:

  • Inside the screen, looking out at the world
  • Watching life happen from a protected internal place

That can be understood not only as a nervous-system response, but as consciousness withdrawing its full immersion from physical experience when the experience becomes overwhelming.

Not as escape — but as preservation.

Metaphysics does not see this as “disorder.”

It sees it as conscious intelligence responding to threat.

From trauma science, the observer can be understood as:

  • A protector
  • A dissociative response
  • A survival adaptation

From metaphysics, the observer is also:

  • The seat of awareness
  • The witness to experience
  • The part of us that is not broken by what happens

This helps explain something many people notice intuitively:

Even when the body is frozen…

Even when the child is terrified…

Even when the protector is exhausted…

There is still something inside that knows.

Knows danger.

Knows timing.

Knows when to hide.

And knows when to rise.

This is exactly the voice I described — the one that summoned me back when it was time to protect my children and myself. Trauma-informed language calls that a protector. Metaphysical language calls it inner intelligence or conscious awareness. I hold room for both.

Metaphysics helps bridge a question many people quietly carry:

“If part of me was so terrified…

And part of me was watching…

And part of me was guiding…

Then who am I really?”

From a metaphysical lens, the answer can be:

You are the awareness that has held all of it.

  • The inner child experienced
  • The protector mobilised
  • The observer watched
  • But consciousness remained intact throughout

This does not diminish the reality of trauma.

It reframes identity so a person is not defined solely by what happened to them.

I don’t see trauma science and metaphysics as opposing forces. I see them as two languages describing the same protective intelligence.

  • Neuroscience says: The nervous system adapts to survive.
  • Metaphysics says: Consciousness withdraws to preserve itself.

Both are describing the same act of protection, from different angles.

One speaks in biology.

The other speaks in awareness.

Neither says the person is broken.

This matters because when people only receive a medical or diagnostic explanation, they may walk away believing:

  • Their mind failed them
  • Their system malfunctioned
  • Their dissociation was a defect

Metaphysics adds another truth:

Something within you was wise enough to protect your life when life was under threat.

That matters.

It restores dignity.

It restores meaning.

It restores agency.

Why I Do Not See This as Disorder

Here is where I hold a clear personal truth:

We have taken natural human survival responses and labelled them as:

  • Maladaptive
  • Faulty
  • Disordered

But what if:

  • The terrified inner child disappeared in order to survive?
  • The observer stepped back to prevent collapse?
  • The protector mobilised to keep life going?

To frame these responses as inherently “wrong” is, in my view, deeply harmful to humans.

The nervous system did not betray us.

It saved us.

Integration: When the Adult Self Goes Back for the Child

Healing is not about erasing the observer or silencing the protector.

Healing is about building enough safety in the present so the adult Self can gently return to the child who once had to hide.

Over time, with:

  • Regulation
  • Compassion
  • Choice
  • Relationship

the inner child no longer has to live behind the screen.

The protector no longer has to live on red alert.

And the observer no longer has to stand watch alone.

A Gentle, Hopeful Truth

Yes — there can be two selves.

There can be many.

And none of them are wrong.

There is:

  • The terrified child
  • The protector
  • The observer
  • And the Self that can now hold them all

They were never signs of brokenness.

They were signs of a system that refused to let life end.

And when safety returns, something beautiful happens:

The child no longer has to freeze.

The observer no longer has to hide.

The protector can finally rest.

And the self — slowly, gently — begins to feel whole again.