It’s easy to talk about collaboration when everything is going well.

It is much harder to stay in collaboration when discomfort, mistakes, and misunderstandings arise.

We don’t often speak about that part — the repair.

Recently, I was reminded how important repair is when we work with others from a place of heart, integrity, and shared purpose.

In The River Room Songbook, one of our songs, RAIN, is adapted from a mindfulness practice I have used in therapy for years. I had always known it as a free, widely-used grounding tool. I hadn’t realised it originated with Tara Brach, who herself adapted it from an earlier version by Michelle McDonald.

When the songbook was shared online, a few people commented pointing out that we had not credited Tara.

They were right.

And yet, the moment I saw the comments, my body reacted before my mind could speak:

  • Dread
  • Panic
  • Shame
  • Embarrassment
  • Fear of having unintentionally harmed someone I care about

The old feelings rose:

  • Hide.
  • Run.
  • Apologise excessively.
  • Disappear.

But I didn’t.

I was out having a meal with my husband when this unfolded.

And yet, I couldn’t “just ignore it.”

My nervous system was activated.

My integrity needed to respond.

But unlike my previous, unhealed self – I stayed grounded while doing it.

I:

  • Acknowledged the mistake openly
  • Apologised to my colleague
  • Contacted Tara directly
  • Owned the oversight without excuses
  • Explained honestly that it was unintentional

And Tara’s response was everything collaboration could be:

Kind.

Generous.

Human.

She gave her blessing wholeheartedly — and even shared the song with her grandchildren.

Repair was not only possible — it deepened connection.

But the potential for harm was real!

Had Tara responded differently — legally, defensively, or from ego —

this could have been devastating.

This is where we must recognise something important:

Intellectual property is real and necessary.

But when it is held rigidly, fearfully, or competitively —it can choke creativity, sharing, and community learning.

The intention behind The River Room Songbook is simple:

  • To help children regulate
  • To support emotional healing
  • To give something freely to the world

No commercial interest.

No profit.

No claim of ownership.

Just shared humanity.

But intention does not erase impact.

And so I learned something valuable.

The People Who Helped Me Stay in Integrity

My husband, sitting beside me, didn’t tell me to let it go.

He didn’t make me feel guilty for being pulled into the situation.

He simply:

  • Covered my plate to keep it warm
  • Held my hand
  • Let me do what my integrity needed me to do

My colleague Chrissy, didn’t shame me.

She held space.

She trusted my heart.

We repaired — together.

Even those who raised the concern did so truthfully — and they were right.

I did need to acknowledge the original practice.

It is how we honour each other’s work.

What turned this into a moment of growth rather than collapse was:

No blame.

No ridicule.

No criticism.

No assumption of ill intent.

Just truth with compassion.

The Problem With Blame

Blame is one of the quickest ways to shut down learning, connection, and trust.

When someone is blamed:

  • The nervous system goes into defence.
  • The mind shifts from reflection to self-protection.
  • The heart closes.
  • The relationship stops growing.

Blame doesn’t create accountability — it creates fear.

And when people are afraid of being wrong, they:

  • Hide mistakes
  • Avoid taking risks
  • Stop creating
  • Stop sharing
  • Stop collaborating

Which is the opposite of what we say we want in community work.

Blame says:

“I need someone to be the problem so I don’t have to feel my discomfort.”

But compassion says:

“We are human. Let’s make sense of this together.”

When we replace blame with curiosity:

  • Repair becomes possible.
  • Growth becomes possible.
  • Actual collaboration becomes possible.

Not the performance of collaboration —

but the lived practice of it.

The Pitfalls & The Potential

We all protect our ideas.

This is why copyright exists.

It’s human.

But when protection turns to possession, something gets lost:

  • Creativity
  • Openness
  • Shared purpose
  • The joy of making something together

True collaboration requires:

  • Curiosity instead of accusation
  • Questions before conclusions
  • Benefit of the doubt
  • Compassion
  • A willingness to repair

If we want community, we must learn to stay in the room when we get it wrong.

Will I Make Mistakes Again?

Probably.

I am human.

But this is what I know now:

I will no longer run.

I will not hide.

I will not collapse under shame.

I will not abandon myself.

I will:

  • Own it
  • Repair it
  • Learn from it
  • And remain aligned with truth

Because collaboration isn’t just about shared work.

It’s about shared humanity.

And that is something I am committed to, always.