Triangulation is a manipulative tactic, used to create divisions and tensions within a group dynamic (Bay, 2024). Triangulation has three distinct roles: the target, the persecutor and the rescuer (Bay, 2024). The rescuer often confuses the persecutor with the target (Bay, 2024). The persecutor is the person pulling the emotional strings (Bay, 2024). The perpetrator’s goal is to bait the target into acting like a perpetrator and cause a break down in trust and communication within the group (Bay, 2024). Both the target and rescuer are being manipulated to act out of impulse and fear (Bay, 2024). When you are on the receiving end of a triangulation experience, you may feel isolated, insecure and unsure of the cause of your distress (Bay, 2024). The effects of triangulation can impact your self-esteem and put the seed of doubt into your relationships (Bay, 2024). It is vital to learn how triangulation functions to be able to mitigate the emotional damage it causes (Bay, 2024).
The goal of triangulation is to control communication and cause misunderstandings and conflicts (Bay, 2024). Manipulators may be acting from a learned self-protective behaviour to prove their devotion to the rescuer while devaluing their targeted competitors (Cuncic, 2022). People with Borderline Personality Disorder can instinctively use triangulation to remove any competitors that might challenge their position with people they rely on to meet their needs (Bay, 2024). People with Borderline Personality Disorder are often driven by feelings of abandonment (Grouporttherapy.com, 2025). Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic personality disorder have a fragile sense of self and use triangulation to secure their self-esteem by devaluing those they see as potential competitors (Grouporttherapy.com, 2025). They may be attempting to create a distraction to divert attention away from them when they feel inadequate, driven to protect themselves from humiliation (Cuncic, 2022). Narcissistic personalities will use triangulation to split their moral self-image and inferior self-image onto others (Cuncic, 2022). When triangulation no longer meets the needs of those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder, they may be motivated to work towards positive change.
To cope affectively in a triangulation situation is to maintain self-control and not react in the moment (Grouporttherapy.com, 2025). Take a step back to objectively evaluate the situation to prevent escalating conflict further (Grouporttherapy.com, 2025). Validate your own feelings and experiences then observe the other person’s response, to see if they are genuinely willing or able to resolve the situation to support healthy boundaries. Healthy relationships are a journey and involve ongoing effort and commitment (Bay, 2024). When dealing with triangulation it is essential to remember that you have control over how you react.
References
Bay (2024). Understanding Triangulation: Effects and Strategies to Cope. [online] Bay Area CBT Center. Available at: https://bayareacbtcenter.com/triangulation/.
Chase, I. (2024). If you recognize these 7 behaviors, you’re dealing with a low IQ individual. [online] Baseline. Available at: https://www.baselinemag.com/self-development/if-you-recognize-these-behaviors-youre-dealing-with-a-low-iq-individual/ [Accessed 13 Feb. 2025].
Cuncic, A. (2022). What Is Triangulation in Psychology? [online] Verywell Mind. Available at: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-triangulation-in-psychology-5120617.
Grouporttherapy.com. (2025). Triangulation in Borderline Personality Disorder: Unraveling the Intricacies | Grouport Journal. [online] Available at: https://www.grouporttherapy.com/blog/triangulation-borderline-personality-disorder.