“You’re not broken.
You’re not failing.
Your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do to keep you safe.”
When trauma happens and escape isn’t possible, the body doesn’t just move on—it adapts for survival. This is the dorsal vagal response, a deep shutdown state that can leave you feeling numb, disconnected, exhausted, or stuck.
For years, I didn’t understand what was happening to me. Every few months, my body would crash. I’d struggle to get out of bed, completely drained—physically, emotionally, mentally. Everything felt heavy, like wading through treacle just to motivate myself.
A black cloud would loom overhead, a constant presence that coloured everything in misery. My thoughts would spiral: What’s the point? Nobody cares. I don’t know why I bother. I felt weak, pathetic, like I was failing. But I wasn’t failing—my body was in survival mode.
When you’ve lived in that state often enough, you start to recognise it in others. I can spot it instantly—the exhaustion in their body language, the posture that slumps in defeat, the words that speak of despair. It’s in the deadness of their eyes—a sign of being completely disconnected from the present moment. They are stuck in the purgatory of dorsal shutdown, where everything feels like it’s just too much to move forward or escape from. Dorsal is the place where life ends. It’s the point where we’ve been so overwhelmed that the system is frozen, unable to go on.
This shutdown response isn’t just personal—it plays out in so many forms of trauma. When a child can’t escape an abusive home, they disconnect to survive. When someone is trapped in poverty, addiction, or domestic violence, the nervous system collapses under the weight of survival.
It happens in:
• Childhood abuse – when a child can’t leave an unsafe home, they disconnect to survive.
• Cycles of poverty – when no matter how hard someone tries, the weight of survival becomes too much.
• Addiction – often a response to numb the pain of unresolved trauma.
• Crime & incarceration – when the nervous system has adapted to survival in an unsafe world – these are just a few examples..
And when mothers are separated from their children, the grief, helplessness, and loss of control can send them into deep dorsal shutdown—numbness, despair, and self-destruction.
It’s difficult to understand the dorsal vagal perspective when you’re in a ventral vagus state, where things feel more connected and regulated. From the outside, what might look like attention-seeking behaviour is often connection-seeking—a desperate attempt to feel safe again. The challenge is, we often don’t have the words to articulate this need. For a long time, I didn’t either.
This is why I became a person-centred therapist—because the core conditions of empathy, unconditional positive regard, and congruence deeply aligned with my own experience of needing a space that felt safe and understanding. It’s these conditions that allow people to heal and reconnect with themselves—something I’ve experienced firsthand.
I’m also sensitive to energy—especially where someone is in their nervous system. When the energy changes, I can feel it. This sensitivity helps me understand where a person is in their journey and meet them exactly where they are, offering support that feels safe and validating.
Understanding dorsal changes everything. It means that what looks like laziness, lack of motivation, or emotional detachment isn’t a character flaw—it’s your body’s way of protecting you. You are not the problem. Your nervous system has been in survival mode.
#TraumaInformed #ReconnectAndRegulate #MentalHealth #SelfCompassion