Being groomed, coerced or manipulated is often a devastating and traumatic experience which may leave the victim feeling embarrassed, ashamed and guilt ridden in the aftermath. 

Being deceived by someone we know, love, trust and/or respect can have an adverse and far reaching effect on mental wellbeing, confidence and self-esteem.

Gaslighting is a behaviour often used in grooming – it includes the twisting of truths, withholding of relevant information and lying. Gaslighting can cause victims to question their reality, leading to feelings of self-doubt, self-criticism, confusion and anxiety. 

The impact of grooming often leaves victims feeling complicit in the act. Helped along by the perpetrators gaslighting of the victim, with hindsight victims tend to believe they should have seen the signs, known what was coming and should have known better. This can lead to feelings of embarrassment, shame, guilt and regret. The perpetrator is fully of aware of this and will allow the victim to carry the blame. 

Understanding that we are not responsible for the behaviours of others makes sense to most of us, but understanding it and being able to accept it in these circumstances are two separate things entirely and being able to reason it, is not always be enough to prevent the negative emotional impact that follows.

“Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.” Terry Pratchett

Victims regularly blame themselves despite being able to reason that they could not possibly have known and are not to blame for trusting someone who transpires to be unworthy of their trust. 

To learn more about how to respond to grooming behaviours, such as gaslighting, coercive and manipulative behaviours – ask about S.T.A.N.D