“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” –

Viktor E. Frankl

S.T.A.N.D© is an acronym for Stop, Think, Act, Never Doubt –   trauma informed response to be applied in situations when an individual may triggered by the behaviours of others.  I wrote Having pulled apart, over many years my own experience of grooming and manipulation,  in answer to the question; “what could I have done differently!”? The conclusion that I came to is S.T.A.N.D…

‘Between the Trigger and the Reaction, there is space where you can learn to S.T.A.N.D in your power – Stop, Think, Act, Never Doubt.’

S.T.A.N.D is an incredibly useful tool for people who have experienced Trauma  as we are prone to negative automatic responses, driven by fear and uncertainty due to previous experiences.

Rather than responding assertively with confidence and conviction for self-care, trauma victims are prone to people-pleasing, often finding it impossible to put their own interests before the interests of others, inadvertently making themselves vulnerable. High levels of empathy and negative core beliefs ( I am not worthy) means they often become overwhelmed with negative emotions when faced with what  others may perceive as being, simple decision-making.

This is because a trauma victims focus automatically shifts to the other person or persons well-being rather than their own. Their main concerns tend to revolve around what other people will think of them, how they will be perceived by others, and how others are likely to feel as a result of the victims decisions.  All of these concerns for others (family, friends, work colleagues, neighbour’s, even strangers often leaves them swamped by feelings of guilt, awkwardness and apprehension, victims tend to bypass their own thoughts and feelings of wellbeing, prioritizing others  and frequently suffering as a result.

The way our brains process information, often draws on previous experience, filling in the blanks with the ‘most like outcome’. We call this Bottom-Up processing. If, due to previous experiences,  our first thought is likely to be a negative automatic thought (NATs)  – the way to forward from a trauma response is to retrain our brains to recognise and intercept the first NAT to ensure the thoughts that follow are mindful and intentional ones.

Even when victims of trauma recognise automatic negative responses, such as people pleasing in themselves, they have difficulty over coming these behaviours because firstly, they are often ingrained from an early age, and secondly victims of trauma rarely trust their own judgement,  another side effect of the trauma they have suffered.

As observers we may be surprised by a trauma victims responses. It they may appear to a bystander that the individual is not being genuine or applying any common sense to their responses, instead they appear to be opting for the ‘same old mistakes’ time and time again. With hindsight, the individual is likely to arrive at the same conclusion, which only serves as a big stick to beat themselves up with, reinforcing the negative views that the traumatized individual already holds about themselves, further impacting on their low self-worth.

Perpetrators are keen observers who can easily recognise automatic people pleasing responses in others, making them easy prey.

This happens because people who live with unresolved trauma, often become stuck. They may find themselves going round and round in circles; different faces, different places – same old mistakes and outcomes.

“If I didn’t have bad luck, I would have no luck at all” is often a belief held by the traumatized, who tend to view their own lives as spectators from the sidelines, rather than being actively involved in the decision making, due to a lack of control. In these circumstances, people tend to default to people-pleasing rather than expressing their true inner feelings in relation to any situation, because facing emotions leaves them vulnerable, and feels like a scary or even dangerous place for them. Some people may default to anger, appearing passive-aggressive or defeated, because their responses are driven by fear or panic due to the stuckness or disassociation.

With practice, the acronym; S.T.A.N.D© , Stop, Think, Act, Never Doubt – serves as an aide memoir prompting the individual to stay calm and focused in the present moment, reminding them to turn their attention inwards and to connect to how they are feeling, as opposed to allowing their minds to run riot, whizzing back and forth searching for answers which is what often leads them to a place of panic and anxiety.

By turning the attention inwards, they are guided by how they feel,  an indicator of what feels right for them and what feels wrong for them as their internal navigation system fires up thus assisting them to respond in ways that are healthy and in their own best interests. Over time, with practice, S.T.A.N.D© becomes the new go to response.

To find out more about S.T.A.N.D© and how it could work for you, register for our Webinar Today!

S.T.A.N.D©

Used as A toolkit for the prevention of

Grooming Behaviour’s©

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The impact of trauma can be devastating and being  groomed for any reason, is a traumatic event. The experience often leaves victims feeling embarrassed, ashamed and guilt ridden for years to come as they struggle to make sense of what has happened to them. 

Being deceived by someone we trust and respect is a difficult situation for anyone. It can take its toll on our emotions and wellbeing, adversely impacting a victims confidence and self-esteem.

The experience of Grooming behaviours may lead victims to question their reality, causing confusion and/ or anxiety, as the process of grooming usually involves manipulation and gaslighting.

Grooming may cause victims to feel in some ways complicit; as they convince themselves that they should have seen what was coming or they should have known better.

Understanding that we are not responsible for the behaviours of others may make sense, but understanding it and accepting it are two separate things entirely – it may not always be enough to prevent the negative emotional impact that follows. Victims regularly blame  themselves despite being able to reason that they could not possibly have known and are not to blame for trusting someone unworthy of their trust. 

This is especially true if a victim has encountered a trauma or multiple traumatic events in the past.

How to respond to the negative behaviours of others is often out-with the control of victims who have experienced previous trauma as they become triggered yet often unaware of what is happening to them or why.  Knowing how to respond in a way that keeps us safe and empowered in such a situation is vital if we hope to protect ourselves.

This is where S.T.A.N.D© comes in.

To Learn more about our online workshops, how S.T.A.N.D© is an effective strategy for victims of trauma and for Lived Experience Trauma Support, Get In touch.